Sunday, October 31, 2010

Things I Learned This Week

Always Be Prepared

As in, keep a note in your pocket at all times to remind you what your name is when all you've done for the last 14 days is play a mean game of "Shove As Much As You Can In Your Head!" Things are bound to ooze out the ears. So far these things have been my name, my shoe size, and remembering that I just lost 24 lbs. That is why little bite-size candy wrappers are showing up wherever I am.

Count Your Blessings

So far, I have managed to be blessed by NOT seeing any more pictures of Miss Peaceful Privates. I HAVE received offers of a lap-dance (at work) and several invites to the topless club, since women get in free, you know. As much as I hated to, I turned them both down. I know you all wish you were as irresistible as I am. Too sexy, Antonio, too sexy!

Allergies are the Pits.

Coming from a massive cracked-out-of-my-mind-high on Claritin D, I finally got used to it, wound up sleeping at night, which made me feel even more tired in the mornings, and then, I ran out. And planning smartly to go before work to pick up another box, I found out the pharmacy doesn't open 'til 9, which is when I'm supposed to go to work, AND they're closed before I get off. I think the Universe is laughing at me and my runny snot-nose. Thank you evil drug lords for using the ONLY allergy medication that works for me for evil. May asthma plague you and you can't pick up your drugs due to stupid butt heads like yourself. Amen.

Nerves and Adrenaline are your Friends!

We started practicing our calls with people in our training class last week. Right before going home. Which means we sat through 7 hours of computer simulations, explanations, and note-taking, while listening to various monotone voices tell us what to do. I learned to carry my own toothpick/eyelid props, because sharing those is a little too friendly for my liking. So after drooling on my pants, I find out I get to play the Rep. and my partner is the customer that calls me. I'll tell ya, THAT will set your adrenaline a-going! My heart erupted and sounded like the drum solo in "Shout." And it really took me about 3 hours to calm down. I'm so glad I'm going to be doing that for a living. If I'm ever in a car wreck or a hostage situation, I will be completely out of adrenaline, totally calm, and bored. But have someone ready to call me to pay their phone bill, dude, I will be higher than a kite, jumping at kittens playing with yarn. 

Dress How Ya Feel

Friday we had a costume contest at work. And I dressed up. And my camera is AWOL. AGAIN! So, you'll just have to take my word for it. I was a cowgirl. I borrowed my dad's chaps, JD's cowboy hat, and the rest of the duds were my own. I didn't win, but I walked those dang 460 stairs with 10 lbs of leather on my legs. And if that shouldn't have won, I don't know what should have.

Starlight, starbright...

Also, someone I know who might write for this blog told me not to tell anyone that she may or may not have stopped up the toilet in Big Lots the other day. So what if she hadn't gone to the bathroom for a week and a half. Sometimes she doesn't want to eat fiber, especially if she's prone to nervous and fiber-related gas and in certain minuscule proximity to her neighbor, and there are no dogs, cats, birds, or small children to blame the said gas on. Now, all she knows is that someone stopped up the toilet at Big Lots. And left it. There will be no blame laid. But she's pretty sure they took her picture and will soon be posting it as a "Do Not Let Enter" poster at the store entrance.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

"Things I Learned This Week" Debut

So sorry to have not blogged all week. First week of work was rather intense. Good, but very hard on the ol' brain. I mean, I'm actually having to think about more than Legos, Batman, house cleaning, cooking, and all the other stuff that has been tucked in every nook and cranial cranny for the past 5 years. I've also decided to do a weekly wrap up probably on Fridays or Saturdays of "Things I Learned This Week." Here's the debut...

Things I Learned This Week:

Gas is a butt pain. I mean, gasoline.
I've had to fill up every other day with me working days and JD working nights. That bites.

City Folk Vehicles do not have turn signals. I think it's against the law or something.
This is a pet peeve of mine. I mean, come on, people! Show a little courtesy here! I just got this job and I really don't want to die.

My loosey-goosey caboosey is waaaaay out of stair practice.
BUT(T) that's okay. That won't last long. I do 460 stairs a day, at least. Yes, I counted. Soon my rump will be rock hard and rival Jillian Michael's. With these stairs, it will be better maintained than a national monument. But no bouncing quarters off of it. I don't like bruises.

Not going to sleep until 1:30 am 4 out of 5 nights makes me look like this when the alarm goes off at 6 am:
Very not cool. AND to make matters worse, the night I went to bed at 10:30, I shot awake at 4:30 am.

I haven't decided if iced coffee on the lunch break is a good thing or not.

I took some with me today and drank about 4 ozs. and I had the shakes when I got back to class. But I was all jacked up and that was rather interesting. I was a little, shall we say, enthused with our afternoon managerial speaker. As in, I yelled at one point when asked if we could gain an unholy amount of customers, "Because WE ROCK!! **double fist-pump**"  He DID say "I LIKE your enthusiasm!!" I hope that's a good thing...

Side note: I think Truvia may have crack in it because that's what I used to sweeten it.

AND possibly the most important thing to remember:

You sure don't know who your co-workers are going to be and sometimes it's better to leave a little mystery

Yes, as in preferably NOT showing phone pictures of the tattoo on your va-jay-jay 2 days after I have spoken with you.
Or at least, give me the option of NOT seeing said tattoo.

Nothing says "Let's be BFF's!" like a naked crotch shot.

Maybe so, if you're Paris Hilton.

My eyes and brain fainted.

They still haven't recovered.

Good thing I just bought a big jug of bleach.

And SOS pads.

I'm all for giving peace a chance, but not there.

(It was a peace sign, btw. I know I won't be forgetting anytime soon.)

Keep your peace and your pieces to yourself.


And just when you think you're going to get to wind down, start the weekend clock for R & R...

THIS happens.
At 11:30 Friday night. WHILE I was writing this post.

The dogs were out making their usual night sounds (barking) only this time it was more rhythmic and at odd tones. So I poked my head out the door to chew them out. And heard it. The sound of a box of cicadas. The sound that says "Nothing good is about to come from this situation at all."

The sound of a Western Diamondback rattler.

On my porch.

5 feet from where I had my head poked out.

I said words. That won't be repeated here. They may have rhymed with "hit" and "fit," but that's up to your imagination.

I slammed the door.

Ran to my closet to put on my boots.

Grabbed the spotlight.

And the camera. (Hey, I'm a blogger!)

And proceeded to locate the source of the dreaded sound.

Which wound up being right down from the front door, about 5 feet away.

I took a picture, saw it move in the flash, let out a squeal, and ran back in the house and locked the door.

You know, because snakes are known for their mad doorknob skillz.

So, I did what any self respecting country girl would do.

I called my daddy.

Seriously. I did.

I don't have a hoe or I would have made him chopped suey myself.

So Daddy-Dearest came and saved his baby girl with 3 shots into the evil snake with Mom's .22.

And if you're wondering, the rattle was 9 rattles and a button.

We're going to keep it.

Dead snake parts are how we roll, yo.

One sucky factor: They usually travel in pairs.


Ooooh... if we find another one, I can make rattle earrings!! We be classy!

So, now I'm off to scoop up and carefully drape a writhing dead snake body and toss it in the back of JD's truck so he can see it firsthand.

Someone, however, didn't fare so well. 

But he's being medicated and he's still eating and drinking, but in a lot of pain. And he will be for several days. But I'm sure he'll be okay. Scout was bitten on the face and she made it A-OK and she was much smaller. Poor Beastie.

There's the debut of  "Things I Learned This Week."

This blog post was brought to you by SnakeBGon and Titanium Panties. When your nether-regions get out of control, contain that jazz with Titanium Panties! Flash-proof, both camera flash and full-frontal flash. Just because you can shake what yo mama gave you, don't mean you have to show it, too.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Giveaway Winner!!

And the winner is.....

#4 HALLIE!!!!

Hallie, you are the winner of the DVD Upside!!!

Congrats and thanks everyone for playing!!!

Blogger Babs Post -- Work Wear Chosen

Whoa. I am a doofus. I COMPLETELY forgot to post about the first day of work outfit last night!

Sorry about that.


This bodes well.


And I've been kind of hyperventilating this morning over how at this time I'll be on the road heading to work.

Excuse me.

**Breathes frantically into paper bag**

Okay. I'm better.

Moving on to the POINT!

Okay... we had several choices chosen.

This one....

Theese onnnne....

And zeees onnnne...
The black/grey got the most votes. 

So that one is the winner!

Thanks for playing and insuring I won't look like a complete dork on the first day of work. 

I'll save that for Tuesday.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

"Upside" Movie Review and Giveaway

Solomon White is your regular high school boy. Jock extraordinaire, popular, a hit with the ladies, and on the radar of several Ivy League schools for his prowess on the lacrosse field. The guy has it all. Until an injury causes his world to flip upside down.

Follow Soli as he sees his life through new eyes and meets new friends that might not be what they seem on the outside. You'll start to rethink your own view of life and remember "it's all how you look at it."

Review: Okay, I was a little iffy on this movie at first. I let it sit on the dresser while life was running away with me here lately, and when I finally sat down to watch it, I was thinking it was going to be some silly view of a fluffy life onscreen. Some movies are that, ya know.


There is a lot going on in this movie. A lot that people can relate to and a lot that probably teens today are going through without saying much. Teens are invincible, right? I love that this movie gives them a view that their choices will change their lives, not just the now.

I really liked the realism of the characters, the situations, and the outcome. This really is a good movie! I'm surprised I hadn't heard of it before I received it to review. I think it would be a great movie to show at a youth night at church. There is some kissing in it, which surprised me. But it's not too much or racy. I love how they introduce the Christian elements into it.

I can easily say, I will watch this movie again. And if my boys were teens and in similar situations, I would happily sit them down to watch it. 

"Upside" gets the thumbs up from me.

AND I get to send someone a copy!!

Just leave me a comment telling me how God helped change your personal views on something and I'll figure the winner with on Sunday night.

“Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or
       services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it
       on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally
       and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance
       with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the
       Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Dress Me Blogger Babs -- Part Deux

Do you remember how I called out the fashionable people to help me dress for date night a looooooonnnnnngggggg time ago?

Well, I'm calling on yous guys again to help me dress for MY FIRST DAY OF WORK!!!!

Drop me a comment about which outfit you want me to wear to work Monday. I'll choose the outfit Saturday night.

#1) I really like this one.
Banana Republic Silk Shirt (sounds expensive, but I paid $1.25 for it)
Black Slacks

#2) I like this one, too, but I don't know if it sends a good first impression message.
Brown Plaid Skirt
Turquoise Tank
Brown Cardigan
#3 (JD's pick)
White Tee
Ivory slacks with thin black pinstripes
Black Cardigan

#4) Red Shell
Grey slacks with red, white, and black pinstripes
Black Cardigan
(I like this one a lot, too.)

#5) Black top with rhinestone deco buttons on shoulder
Charcoal Slacks with grey pinstripes

I think the splash of color shocked my photog until he couldn't hold the camera straight.
#6) Bright Colored Sheer Shirt
Turquoise Camisole

Which one do I need to wear Monday morning???
Please, you're my only hope!!


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Hello? Hello?

Well, it's been long and muchly advertised, yet kept mum upon.

The new job.

Who's new job?

MY new job.

**big cheesy grin**

Yes, Me, who has been secreted away for 5 years from public viewing and mingling will soon (as in MONDAY) be re-released out into the public to do what very few attempt to do... or do right when they attempt it...

Customer Service.

Yes, I am afraid I will have to start loathing myself.

I will be starting my job as a Customer Service phone representative for a phone company. If you have a cell phone bill and you don't want to pay the $503.42 you racked up for 900 numbers, you will be calling me to pretend you have NO idea what this amount is on your bill.

I can't wait to answer those calls!

But really, I am really excited. This job pays more than the prison, JD is going to work part-time at the prison, and will be schooling the kiddos, and I'll take over on my days off and when I get home. So, this will get us moving to our dream. I'm excited. You should be excited, too. You could call me to try to get out of your bill!

This job is just seriously begging for a Lady Gaga "Telephone" parody. And I have been mentally concocting one for a while now. We'll see how it goes.

Pictures from Google Search.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Biggest Loser Update

Sorry this has taken me forever to update. Jennifer, the Biggest Loser coordinator has a life and I don't. Aside from announcing her third pregnancy (YAY!) and other obligations (This woman is Superwoman and gone on the weekends fighting crime and doing events.) we didn't find out who the winner was until Sunday. I no longer have fingernails... or arms from the wait. Chewed 'em clean off.

So the last weigh in was last Thursday. I lost 2 pounds! Woo hoo!! And those 2 pounds I think were epoxied to my duff. I should have chiseled them off.

And the winner is... or was....


I WON!!! YAY!!!

I officially lost 20 lbs in the 12 week period, making my percentage 12.50%! AWESOME! I can't believe I did it. I never really thought I would win, but hey, any weight lost was good enough for me!!!

I went from 160 pounds back in July...
Ooooh baby. 
No, that was not a sun flare, it was just the light reflecting off my WHITE belly flab.

And me now. As in right now... makeup-free and in dire need of a hairbrush, which has disappeared off the face of the earth, evidently.

I'm now 140 lbs, whittling my way down to 135 or wherever the flab fight takes me. We're on to Operation Perk and Tone. Heaven help me, because these things haven't been toned or perked for 10 years.
Me in the awesome size 8 jeans that I now need a belt for.

I thank my amazing 7, 2 days from 8 year old photog.

I still can't believe I did it.

So, with my winnings that I worked my butt off for, I shall be buying a new pair of tennis shoes because I wore mine out, and I shall be buying JD a fantabulous birthday present. Can't wait!! 

Everyone who was in the Biggest Loser is a winner! I hope they have made for serious life changes, because I sure know I have!! I'm so glad Jennifer put this together. I would have never been able to do it without her. She's awesome. I luff her.

135 pounds, HERE I COME!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

AND THE WINNER IS............................

#3... THE EMPRESS!!!! (Chosen by

Her Majesty and her trio of terror will be receiving their very own copy of "Bringing Up Bobby!"


Just email me your mailing address and I'll get this bad boy out to your mailbox so you can enjoy a family-friendly flicker-show ASAP!

Thanks for playing!!!  

Saturday, October 2, 2010

"Bringing Up Bobby" Review and Giveaway!!

I'm sure there are many of you, such as myself, who like to hunker down with the family and partake in a nice, family-friendly flicker show.


These days its easier to find gold in a gangster's grin than to find something wholesome for your whole crew to watch.

I watched a movie this evening that is clean, wholesome, and hilarious.

"Bringing Up Bobby" is a movie you can sit down and watch worry-free with your kids in the room.

12 years after their parents passed away, James Wyler is still raising his youngest brother, Bobby, who is just about to turn 16. The day of his birthday party just HAPPENS to be the same day their parents' will is to be read and all their belongings divvied up amongst the four siblings, two of which miraculously appear on the doorstep pretending to dole out birthday wishes to their youngest brother.

Andrea, the lone sister, hopes to make away with everything, padding her palms and inventorying the house upon entry. Dennis, the middle brother, needs enough money to keep the anarchists from sniffing at his door. Long story, there. Bobby wants whatever it takes to impress the new girl, Liz, who intrigues as much as frustrates him. And James just wants to keep what he gets to better the life of his young ward.

All circumstances lead to talks of faith, family, who you are made to be, the importance of "stuff", and what is really important in your life.

"Bringing Up Bobby" is full of goofy humor, heart-to-hearts between brothers, the bringing together of differences, as well as some slick dance moves you just can't wait to try out.

ANNNNND guess what?

You get a chance to win you VERY OWN COPY of  "Bringing Up Bobby"! 

Leave me a comment telling me what your favorite family movie is and I'll choose a winner on Wednesday!

Winner will be chosen with

You can also choose to "Like" "Bringing Up Bobby" on Facebook here.

 “Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”