Musings Of A Manic Mama

Don't Chuck With Me

2012-01-16T22:39:00.000-06:00

I have an admission to make.

I.Freakin. LOVE. Chuck Norris jokes.

Sad, yet true.

They are SO dumb they make me laugh. A lot. Probably too much. And even 24 hours after I heard or read one.

Easily amused, am I.

Sorry, Yoda humor. And we're not even talking about Yoda!

Anyways, back to Chuck.

Pinterest is like the mecca of Chuck jokes.

It wouldn't be so great if he was all bigheaded about it.

I love the fact that he's humble.

So, I have decided..... my goal for 2012 will be to meet Chuck Norris, and introduce him to my offspring. Oh, and I will SO freakin blog about it.

And when someone wants to be obnoxious, I will always be able to trump it with, "So, I met Chuck Norris."

Bring that crap on!

Chuck, I need to meet you. It is a necessity.

Just Mail My Mother of the Year Award to Me

2011-12-09T23:02:00.000-06:00

While working full time and fitting school in when I'm home, it makes for Mom's patience to become... how do we say.... microscopic.

So when Goob decided to have a 5-alarm meltdown over the months of the year, I, of course, handled it beautifully.

**cue fancy harp music, cueing a zip back in time**

Goob: Darling Mother, I hate to trouble you, but I am having trouble remembering some of the months of the year.

Me: **dancing around on my 5" heels that all great mothers and style mavens wear 24/7** Why, secondary fruit of my loins, I am so sorry to hear this. Let Mother set aside this 5 course meal that she has created from scratch in the past 30 minutes she has been home and assist you with this quandary.

G: Splendid! I knew that you would help me understand this predicament, because the universe knows that you are the most motherly, meek, and perfect mother that was ever made, and I am so happy that you are mine.

**fairy dust drops sentimentally from the ceiling as we embrace in perfection, enough to make an episode of The Waltons jealous**

M: It's quite simple, precious one. There is a little song that helps me to remember them. When one learns something to music, it makes things so much easier to recollect when needed.

**sings song**

**G's eyes sparkle with the magic of the moment and he magically repeats everything that he has just learned, written permanently on his brain**

~~The End.~~

Okay... so maybe it didn't quite go like that.

Maybe it went more like this:

Mom: Dude, why are you having problems with knowing the months of the year? It's easy! There's even a song for it!

Goob: **tears up immediately** But... but... I can't learn a song!

M: Why? It makes it so much easier when you know a song.

G: But I caaaaaaannnnnnnnn't! ***cries***

M: Why?

G: Because!!

M: Why?

G: Because it's EMBARRASSING!!

M: Why is a song embarrassing? **rolling eyes**

G: Because!

M: Because why? **taps foot impatiently**

G: BECAUSE!

M: **Growls**

G: BECAUSE IT'S SINGING!!!! AND IT'S EMBARRASSING BECAUSE IT'S SINGING IN PUBLIC!!!! **cries more**

M: **annoyed sigh** Dude, it's just in front of me. I'm not "public." You don't have to sing it, just punch when you say the different words like Tae-Bo or something. It can be fun.

G: But it IS! And it's EMBARRASSING!!!

**Hit repeat and proceed on the same track for about 10 minutes**

M: **yells in the Mother Wrath of God voice** OKAY! You think that's embarrassing... you think THAT'S embarrassing?! Let me tell you about embarrassing.... When YOU were born, I had to have 6 people I didn't even KNOW look at my PRIVATES! Now, kid, which is more embarrassing... you singing a little song with me or that?!?!

G: **defeated sigh** Yours.

M: You bet. Now get to singing.

It's HERE!!!

2011-11-30T00:12:00.000-06:00

Because it's the most wonderful time of the year.

And I love books.

And I love my friend.

And it's got my first song I ever wrote in it. COPYWRITTEN in MY NAME! (But I'm not excited or anything.)

And it would be a great Christmas present for your family or friends with e-readers.

Or yourself, if you have an e-reader.

Or your cat.

Or dog.

But if your cat and dog have e-readers, I think that you have too much money and might spoil your animals too much.

And it's affordable ($4.99).

And because I'm so dadgum proud of my friend I can't stand it.

I'd like you all to check her book out. And if you do reviews on Amazon or Goodreads, throw one out there too.

That way when she's all big and famous, you can say you knew her back then.

Well...I will have known her back then.

And since I've known her since I was 10, I will still tell her,

"Seriously? Do I need to call you Ms. Lohan?"

"Yeah.... sure! I'd totally do that if I were you.... if I wanted to look like a dumba$$."

"Don't you even think about pulling a Kanye West at that writer's conference. No, she's Nora Roberts for Pete's sake! NORA ROBERTS!" (We both love NR, btw.)

You know, all those things that good friends do. I won't let her head get big.

Don't worry. I'll get you autographs. I promise.

I'm Still Alive

2011-11-23T00:40:00.000-06:00

Can you believe the holidays are here already?! WHEN did this happen? Time, you are an evil fiend. Slow the heck down!

My heathens are growing too quickly. Mo and Goob just had their birthdays in October. How DARE they turn 11 and 9? This is not allowed. This means Smee will be 6 in February. Which means I have to start working now on how to abolish this. 6 isn't a baby anymore. 6 means some stinky grown kid.

We just got over The Crud. I actually missed work. 2 days of work. Ugh. I was scared it was turning into pneumonia, but I started coughing up lungs, old couches, hairballs, maybe a gnome or two, and I feel lots better. JD had it and he sounded awful. Goob had it, too, and slept for 10+ hours on Sunday. I had to sneak around to make sure he was still breathing, but he lives. And felt fantastic the next day. Good thing kids have that amazing spring-back mechanism.

Turkey Day is in a couple of days, which means we'll head up, overindulge on dead bird, baked goods, and Mom's Bring a Tear to the Eye dressing. Then, none of my pants will fit, I'll be looking for tents on sale, and contemplating colonics.

And since it's that thankful time of year, here's what I'm thankful for:

I am thankful that I'm the proud mother of a shaman.

I am thankful that I am also the mother of a Maori warrior.

Thankful that nobody in this house looks alike.

Thankful for this goober.... and the boy, too.

And thankful that we're not goofy.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!!! Get your gobble on!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

2011-11-06T10:38:00.000-06:00

As always, life goes a million miles an hour, so to catch you guys up, I'm doing another bulleted post.

Roller derby is no more. No time, no extra money, no babysitting... but no more sore butt either. So it evens out.
JD got a job in the evenings. :) And after my hunting deer in the van, we need all the extra monies we can get.
We're having a deadly appliance plague or something... dryer, dishwasher, coffeepot... dead. I miss the heck out of my dishwasher. The boys do too. Muhahahahhaha. I still have a percolator, so I'm good with coffee. And people haven't died.... yet.
Waiting on the van to be fixed. Hopefully next week. Please, please, please God!
Uncle O and Lady A got married yesterday.
Waiting on baby Andi (my niece!!!!!!!EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!) to finish baking and arrive in December.
Oscar is growing like crazy!!! 3 months old now!
Mo is out growing me. :(
Goob is not getting married because it's "too embarrassing."
Smee is a gas factory and teller off of witchy wedding planners.
I accidentally lost weight!
I need to accidentally lose some more!
I have to come up with cheap Christmas ideas for decor and presents.
I was told someone couldn't pay their $1500 phone bill because their cat died.
I went to a Ladies Luncheon and didn't kill anyone. ( I need extra points in Heaven over that one... justsayin.)
I'm thinking about starting a YouTube channel for my music. Not really sure how to do it, but it's something I'm tossing around.
There were 2 earthquakes felt in Texas yesterday (Nov. 5th). I think it was the shock that Uncle O got married. And I didn't feel either of them. Now, PW did, I think. Pretty sure the epicenter was around Okie City, OK. Hope she's okay.
JD got to meet my boss and several folks from my team at work. And now he knows I'm not the only one who talks about work all.the.time. It might have saved our marriage, lol.
My IRL friend Carrie is publishing an e-book which is a bad-A novel about a futuristic bounty hunter chick-- reminds me of JD Robb's In Death series. It should be coming out soon and I will be letting you know when and where to get it. I've already read it and demanded her to start the other one. And she is because I'm mean like that. "I love you, but I will cut you, ho." There is also a song in the book written by yours truly. I'm working on recording it for you folks. Mark that down on your "Coming Soon" list.
Mo and Goob had birthdays in October and they need to stop growing. It's seriously getting on my nerves. How DARE they be 11 and 9!!!! I know it is just to piss me off.
And I have found a channel on YouTube which makes me pee in my pants laugh, rewind, and do it again. (No wonder I have 5 tons of laundry to do!) They do spoofs of political candidate speeches and songs. This one, this one, and this one make me LOL over and over again.
OMG... I have found Pinterest. And my life is over because I CAN'T get out of my office chair! It is picture crack. Between FB and Pinterest, I am just going to die at my desk.
I miss you guys.
I need to post more.
I think about my blog buddies a lot.
I haven't forgotten about you.
I just don't think a lot of my stuff is interesting enough to blog about.
But I do stalk you still... with all my heart.
And I was just contacted by the Bullet Police... they said I have used my quota.
Happy Week. :) lovelovelovelovelove.

Do You Hear What I Hear? -- My Ghost Story

2011-10-30T13:40:00.000-05:00

So this morning while I was ~~reading blogs on my iPad in the bathroom~~... relaxing, I came across Scary Mommy's Ghost Story post. Which made me think of my own ghost story. So, I thought I'd share it with you to celebrate Halloween.

I have always been interested in the unexplainable, the creepy, the afterlife, if people really are still hanging around us in another dimension of some sort. I actually would love to ghost hunt, record EVPs (which freak the CRAP out of me!), and take pictures of places that make you go Hmmmm.

My only problem: I have married the most cynical man in the world. He would die of embarrassment that his wife is a do-do and believes in something you can't see.

But... moving on... let's go back about ...omg... 15 years ago. (You totally know you're getting old when you say things like that.)

I am 15 or 16 years old, bespectacled, boy-crazy, and spending the night with my BFF, Carrie. Honest to goodness, I can't tell you what time of year it was, but I can tell you everything that went on that particular night.

Being teenaged girls, we were staying up late, enjoying each other's company. We had been friends for about 6 years at that time, very close, the kind that have a psychic bond. You know, when you think about them, they suddenly call/email/text you? We still do that. It's cool, I love it. Well, Carrie had moved away and we didn't see each other nearly as often as we once had, so when we actually got to see each other, who the heck needs sleep?! It's an all-night talk-fest.

It was about 1 in the morning or so... We were playing Speed (the card game) for, shoot, I don't know... possibly the 25th time. The kitten, Dimitri, was on the bed with us, occasionally swatting the pile of cards, being a typical kitten. He gave up, curled up to the side of the bed, bathed himself, and cat-napped. For no reason at all, this cat jumped off the bed and dove under it. We kind of chuckled thinking he was a goofy thing, and kept on with this card game. Then... IT happened.

There was this sound.

Like something I have never heard ever before or since. An indescribable sound. Like something layer upon layer, a multi-dimensional sound. The only thing I can compare it to would be a panther screaming, dinosaur roar, stacked on top of those movie demon voices. It had both high and low, covering untold octaves. And if that wasn't creepy enough... it moved. It moved around the circumference of the room, and went behind me and **shudders** moved my hair. Like a breeze that lifted my freaking hair off of my neck.

15 years ago and I still get the creeps thinking about it. I still get goose-bumps.

And this sound was booming. Loud enough I wanted to cover my ears, but I was in such shock I couldn't move. It seemed like it went on for eons, but it could only have been seconds. The only thing I could do was flick my eyes to Carrie and ask her, "Did you hear that?" Praying inside, Please, oh please, have heard that.

She looked at me, and said one small word, "Yes."

Which shot fresh cold chills through my body.

So, then we're trying to think logically about it.

(Yes, JD, I DO try to use logic occasionally.)

Could it have been someone outside in town? No. That didn't explain the cat leaving and an actual breeze in the room.

Remember those Yak-Bak recorders? Carrie had one. And Carrie had 2 younger brothers who could have recorded something creepy on it "to scare the girls." It was on the floor where the cat had been. Well, maybe he jumped on it when he ran off the bed. I picked it up, begging that to be the answer. I pressed every button on that thing several times. There was nothing saved on it. Static.

That, was it for me, my friends. I was ready to get the HECK out of that room. We ran in the bathroom, the room next door to think and catch our breath. We cowboyed up, decided to go back in there, play some Christian music and read the Bible.

We each took deep breaths, and went back. The cards we were playing with were all over that room. Like someone threw them, tucked them places, and just...everywhere. I knew for a fact those cards had been placed on the dresser when we left. And there was this "feel" in the room. Like your skin was coated in sunscreen and couldn't breathe. Oppressive. I think we both demanded whatever it was to leave in the name of Jesus. I know we opened the Bible and starting playing Christian music and it started fading away, the feeling, the just yuckiness that was in that room. I know my skin felt like there was something coating every inch of it and I was scared enough my eyes were watering.

We asked Carrie's mom and brothers, the next morning, if they had heard anything the night before. No one heard a thing. It was a trailer house and there wasn't ANY way that they wouldn't have. I don't think 2 people can be crazy at the same time, and experience the same thing at the same times in their heads. All I know is I KNEW there was something there and if something like that ever happens again, I will be asking questions to whatever is in the room. I was a kid then, now I am a mom, and don't you even think about coming in my house and messing with mine. I will send you on your merry -- or scary-- way.

That story still freaks me out. It's one of those things etched in my memory. I think there is something more, something unseen. Whether its ghosts of ones passed, demonic forces, I don't know, but there is something out there sensed, felt, and I just wonder if or when it will happen again....

WTD?! (What The Deer?!)

2011-10-13T23:15:00.000-05:00

I am so glad I have a dull life. I love dullness, dullity, and dullosophy. Every day I wake up, I know exactly how things are going to go.

That stomach virus Monday ... Psssh.. totally planned it. The crapping my pants in my sleep and all. (TMI, I know... sorry.) I mean, if you're gonna go for it, go all the way, baybay!

I totally planned each and every finger-width stretch mark on my belly/thighs/hips.

And the gargantuan size of my kids... completely set that up. I have a va-jay-jay, and I'm gonna use that thing to capacity! You better believe it! None of those little 5 and 6 pound babies for me. Nosiree! I'm going to 10+, biatches! Power of the V!! Hooah!

So tonight, about 5 minutes after I picked up the boys from my mother-in-law's, I definitely planned on hitting that deer. I just pretended that I didn't see it come up out of a heavily wooded creekbed in the pitch black ditch and ran smack into my driver's side headlight, tearing that booger out. Who needs headlights anyway? Headlights are for weenies!

I so knew in advance that my car would wind up looking like this.

If that deer were still alive, I would have shaken his hoof for doing such a great job knocking the crap out of my car and making me have 28.46 heartattacks in a 9 second time-frame.

**Note: We are all perfectly fine. No human injuries. I just want to puke from my car being screwed and wondering what it's going to cost for repairs or if there's something jacked up inside. This thing just came out of the dark in a low place and we never saw it -- none of the kids knew what was going on, since they didn't see it. This is my first wreck and hopefully the last one. **knocks on wood** And no... I didn't hop out and get the deer for meat. BUT I did think about it. :)**

Hallelujah

2011-09-24T19:53:00.000-05:00

After this week... that's all one can say... or sing... since we made it out alive. Work stress, anyone? Crappy sleep? Just ready to pause the world and hide until recuperation has occurred.

Untitled from Alisha J on Vimeo.

Got Rain?

2011-09-11T17:53:00.000-05:00

Cuz we sure don't.

Look at the pond in front of my house. This is what it used to look like. (Please ignore the fact that I cannot zoom)

And look at it now.

No bueno. Well, NOW... it's actually completely bone-dry. No water whatsoever. Poor bovines. Dad is actually digging a well at.this.minute. to water the cattle. All of the tanks in our county have dried up. No water for any animals. No grass. Deer are starving.

Not to mention the craziness of the wildfires. Thank God we're not around Bastrop, Texas and their raging inferno.

We are in a serious situation. We. Need. Rain.

Let's hope we get some soon.

In Other News....

2011-09-07T17:31:00.000-05:00

To start things off, I apologize profusely that Blogger will NOT allow me to comment on most blogs, let alone my own. I have tried to reply via comment to you guys, but it will not post. I have no idea why, but I am so sorry. I really am not that huge of a jerk. Maybe just a mini-jerk.

In Other News...

Roller Derby. I heart it so. My butt only hurts about 38.6% of the time now when I sit on the couch, so I can take that. And I also have butt-pads. My new BFF.

Here, evidently, is what I look like when I am out there.

I was in super-think mode there on the bottom one.

That was before we actually had set practice times. We were playing a mean game of "Dodge the Children" and "Just How Badly Can You Mess Up A Birthday Party" there for about 3 weeks. Now we're more organized, have set dates and times, and no more kamikaze kiddos to avoid. Which also means that we're doing derby drills, which, in turn means that my knees look like this from Sunday's practice. Now they're some what more colorful, since that was Monday. I'm rather proud. My first visible derby injury. Not my actual FIRST (i.e. the tailbone) but hey, nobody wants to see that. And if you do, email me privately. NOT! There wasn't any mark. I felt completely gypped. With your crack hurting that bad, you should at least get a red mark. I.got.nuthin. Just a sore rump.

In other news....I was told I was loved so much that it gives one diarrhea. That's... some kind of love going on there. I'm shocked, appalled, grossed out, and kind of touched all at the same time. But the "I just washed my hands" kind of touched. No touching after a "love" experience, please, sir.

In other news... I am having a niece. I have died and resurrected multiple times from the shock that I will actually get to buy freaking PINK!!!

In other news... we have this.

It belongs to this...

He completes him, and vice versa.

Math Equation

2011-08-17T03:35:00.000-05:00

Okay, kids. Here's a math problem for you.

If someone who hasn't tied on a pair of skates for ... oh, say... 10 or so years, decided to start roller derby practice on Sunday, what does one wind up with on Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-possibly eternity?

A Sore BUTT, that's what! Hello, bruised tail-bone! I am very aware of you, please stop feeling so obligated to remind me that you're around. I'm not exactly going to forget anytime soon, especially while driving.

Why is the floor further away? I don't understand!!

And I'm insane because I can't wait to do it again... minus the falling, of course. That was not cool AT all. Maybe in a few months I'll have some super-awesome-gross injury photos for you.

That is all.

TCCGTL -- How To Not Be Naked

2011-08-10T00:45:00.000-05:00

For the first portion of (TCCGTL) The Cheap Chick's Guide To Life we are going to cover "How To Not Be Naked."

AKA

How To Buy **GET** Clothes Cheap

#1. If you're driving down the road and see clothes in the ditch, for the love, stop and get that crap!

Okay... well, maybe it's not that bad.

Unless you see a BIG bag on the side of the road, then get it, seriously.

I totally would. Have I? No. But been tempted to? Oh heck yeah. JD would die of embarrassment, only adding to the fun. :)

But for reals...

Thrift Shops. You can find some of the greatest stuff in a thrift shop. Or consignment shop.

You know about my ~~obsession~~ love of the Secret Boutique.

What Secret Boutique, you ask?

THE Secret Boutique.

I mean...Have you READ this blog?

I have a HUGE Goodwill addiction. Dr. Drew is on JD's speed-dial.

I would sell crack just so I could have more Goodwill money. You never know what you're going to find there, and the sales.... *sobs* they are to DIE FOR.

Don't turn your nose up at someone else's hand-me-downs. I have bought many things in there with the tags still on for $3-$4 or even less. Lots of stuff for $0.99. Or BOGO. Just remember, it can be washed. OxyClean is from Heaven, and if you shop second hand, you can save an unholy amount of money. Give it a shot.

Consignment Shops: Take your stuff you are through with, sell it, and either get store credit, or snag that cash and head to Goodwill! Oh, yeah, I have so done that. Really.... if you love me, keep the crack away from me.

Hand-Me-Downs: For you and the kids! If you know someone who has kids a little older than yours and they are talking about getting rid of stuff, drop your name in the hat. You never know what sort of treasures can be unearthed from someone's hand-me-downs. And honestly, Mo would be nude without the clothes from his cousin. That kid is growing like a maniac. Also, you'll find stuff that you'd never buy for your kids, but wind up with anyway that way.

For the Moms try a Clothes Swap. If you have some pals who have bulging closets *raises hand guiltily* set a time for all of you to go through that stuff you NEVER. FREAKING.WEAR. and plan a clothes swap at someone's house. Clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry.... you name it, get rid of it and call a Ladies Night and just have a girly fun time.

It doesn't matter if they're your size or not. Everyone, whether they'll admit it or not, has a whole department store of sizes in that little world called the closet. It's kind of like Christmas without the stress and rush of last minute buying and you get to clean a spot to make new for FREE NEW STUFF. Just remember, if you have wine at your ladies night, you might not be held accountable for what you come home with.

Craigslist: It's like the hillbilly eBay. You never know what you're going to find there AND you don't have to pay shipping if you meet in a generic area. Just go pick that crap up and get out of there!

Garage Sales: Definitely hit up the expensive side of town first. Country Club, first. Junior League having a sale? Knock those little old ladies out of your way and prepare to save money!

I got a pair of slightly worn Uggs at a Junior League garage sale for ... prepare yourself.... $0.75!!!! WTH!?!

And Last but not least:

The Off-Season Rack.

The off-season rack is nearly as good as the Secret Boutique... depending on the store and time of year. You can get winter clothes for $2-$3 in the middle of July, sweaters for a buck, and winter boots... don't even get me started. Or vice versa. I bought a pair of sandals at the Wall of Mart in December a couple of years ago for $3.00 and they are one of the most comfortable pairs of shoes I own.

So what are you still doing here reading?!?

GO SHOP!

New Ideas = New (and hopefully more) Posts

2011-07-27T20:53:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking.

It took a long time, and yes, it hurt.

But reading my favorite blogs lately made me realize something I can talk about since it wasn't too long ago I was neck-deep in it.

Being Poor.

Po.

Broke.

Without fundage.

Tapped.

The Antithesis of Donald Trump.

Moth-in-wallet-syndrome.

Not that I'm using $1s as firewood or toilet paper these days, but at least we have a choice between "Hmmm... PB&J or ramen tonight?" for the 373rd consecutive night.

I shall start a series called

The Cheap Chick's Guide to Life

AKA How to get by in this craptacular economic situation.

AND

if you have any subjects you're interested in saving some green,

shoot me a comment and I'll see if I have done it or have any super-duper cheap-A ways to save a buck or 2 or ten. And I do warn you... I WILL be dropping the F-word from time to time.

You know... FREE

and the S-word.... SALE

and quite possibly the G-word .... GIVEN.

Stay tuned and maybe you'll learn some new fangled ways to save some dough... either that or I will continue to make known that I am really that zany.

Shhhhh!

2011-07-11T21:32:00.000-05:00

I'm ashamed to say it, but I have a date.

With a younger man.

A MUCH younger man.

This Friday.

I have a date with this guy:

for a date to see this guy:

Not that I actually want to see the LAST guy, but I do want to see the face of the first guy light up over a special Mom date at 11 pm.

Very excited.

Yes, I am dorky.

Just how dorky has no bounds.

You don't believe me.

Watch this.

Spock, out.

Oh, yeah, that just happened.

Someone somewhere just had a nerdgasm.

We shall never speak of this again.

Well, at least not today.

Live long and prosper, friends.

D'oh!

Driving Puts My Thoughts Into Overdrive

2011-06-30T10:13:00.000-05:00

Asdjh uwpsv skla Dsjkde dhfql.

That's about how my thoughts of posting have looked when I perched in front of the computer for the past few weeks. I have painfully brilliant ideas while I'm commuting my 45 minutes home in a car with no AC. I think heat causes my brain to create captivating conversations with myself. And I can't write and drive. So, that sucks. (And I tried to add pictures, but Blogger won't let me load them. Grrr. )

Basically, I have thoughts along these lines:

Hmmm... wouldn't it be crazy if the Knights of Ni were breakdancing to the Knights of Cyclonica (by Muse)

I really hate that Kanye West is on Katy Perry's E.T. video. I can just hear him say, "Imma let you finish your song, Katy, but I wanna say this gonna be the best album of the year because I'm floatin' through it grabbin' my crotch talking about an alien humpfest."

If I drive down the highway naked, will I REALLY get arrested? (I think this on those days it gets up to 112. The car has navy leather interior. Not good.)

Yes, Steven, JLo, and Randy, I am so flattered to win American Idol. And I would be honored to go to dinner with you, Steven!! And you're going to help me write songs? AND do a duet with me on my first album?! Steven, you are such a doll. I have been such a fan of yours for such a long time, this is a dream come true..

Omg, I seriously just ate a whole pound of beef jerky?! Ugh.

I'm really glad no one can see me jam out to Ke$ha.... **sighs** and Lady Gaga. Seriously, this didn't happen.

I really want to do a video parody of Ke$ha's We R Who We R. It involves nuns busting a move in a cathedral, wearing fishnets and tattoos under their habits. Now I just need a camcorder and 3 friends willing to be slutty nuns with me... we can be a YouTube sensation!!

I can't believe that guy asked me today what kind of shoes I was wearing. Ew.

Note to self: Windows down + ripe roadkill + 110 degrees = A smell that glues itself in your nostrils.

Oh, dude, I am SO taking Mo to the midnight showing of HP!! I really shouldn't be this excited about this, but I don't care! I'M GOING TO SEE THE LAST HARRY POTTER!! EEEEE!

Thank God. we're finally done with school this year! Now what are we going to use next year? We need to get that ordered soon. I really need to sit down and research curriculum. Where's a paper bag?! I don't know what we'll be doing next year! Should *I* even be the one to shop for curriculum?! **Breathes in bag** Shut up and stop thinking about school. Turn the radio back on.

That's about what I think about on the road home, then I have all these great post thoughts which run out my ears as soon as I'm mauled by 3 mancubs being filled in with information such as, "Look, Mom! There's a male and female black widow mating in the kitchen window (outside, thankyoujesus)!", "Mom! I got to the hard level of my Indiana Jones game today! And I beat the croc!" and very important things like, "Mom, I have something important to tell you, in REAL life, trees DON'T have nipples."

Somewhere along the way, all my good thoughts disappear and are replaced by sheer dumb blank space.

I'm going to have to haul the iPad with me to type up posts as they come to me... oh, by the way, I got an iPad! YAY! Best Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary/free money for the rest of my life money I ever spent!!! I only got the wifi one because I didn't want a new bill in my life.

So... I wonder what I'll think about next in the car...

Operation LMBO

2011-05-29T15:20:00.000-05:00

There are some days where you're weighing your options of:

1)Hiding under your bed forever... or until your chocolate stash runs out.

Or

2) Letting the men in the white coats kindly lead you into the land of the purple padded walls.

On the days when I need a laugh and can't quite muster one up, I KNOW I will get one here:

Oh my packet of pop rocks!

This site makes me cackle like nothing else.

And JD thinks I'm absolutely dumb because the man doesn't understand the power of the pun, the wonder of word play, or the awesomeness of alliteration. How he can't when he lives with me, I don't know.

On the days when you want to laugh at something and don't give a CRAP that you shouldn't? You know, laugh now, guilt later.... I go here.

Jenny is the blog goddess. I'm not worthy to read her font. And the zombie apocalypse on Twitter? PURE GENIUS!

And of course, how can we not have the Ms. Universe of Blogging on here when we're talking about humor?

Miz Thang. The madam who lost her job due to her blog. WTH is up with that anyway.

When I'm feeling pathetic, lonely, and a sorry excuse for living, I often pretend being awesome and amazing hanging with my peeps, PW, Dooce, Bloggess, Empress, Kel, Moxie, X-Tina... all the super awesome, successful ones... And maybe after tee many martoonies, table-dances, and regrettable tattoos, we'd be tweeting daily and texting. I also daydream about other things, but that's a whole 'nother post. Which will be coming up soon.... I know, I'm such a blog tease.

Where are some places you go to get your giggle on?

Life in Bullets

2011-05-27T08:17:00.000-05:00

What's been going on that would keep me from my Blog family?

Just a few things.

Jacked up work schedule.

School work.

Playing catch up on all of the laundry for all of the US military branches. How they all wound up in my boys' room, I have no idea, but the CIA can do anything. Have you seen Salt?

A few pity parties, just to release the emotions.

School work.

A supposed tornado that didn't get publicized because it wasn't on the ground long enough and it was in the middle of the night, so no one actually saw anything. But the 20-30 split and downed power lines, grill, and bandsaw way out in the yard, not to mention the huge branches stripped out of the tops of the trees. Only straight-lined winds my butt. Nothing like Joplin, though. Thank God. And prayers to AL and MO and all the others states affected by this crack-headed weather.

Then, the 2 day power outage due to the downed power lines.

School work.

Laundry.

My baby bro announces he's going to be a daddy!! *WOOHOO!*

School work.

My other bro announcing that he's getting married!! *WOOHOO!*

Laundry.

And asking questions that no mother should ever have to ask, such as, "Please tell me that is not poop on the wall of your bedroom."

And having to follow up with, "So, what KIND of poop is it?" (It was dog poop, thankfully. IF you can be thankful for any poop on your wall. Since I know my boys, I was picturing MUCH worse.)

I swear, they should start some reality TV show about the secret lives of homeschooling boy moms. It would wind up being some sort of Chris Henson special, I swear.

Waking from the coma I put myself in from facepalming from the last season of Ghost Whisperer. Seriously? Come on. NO flipping way that was how you finished that show. I cannot talk to you, CBS. I am too ashamed.

Laundry.

Starting watching Medium.

Not doing very good watching Medium.

Surviving an all Ah-nald, All Weekend Netflix Movie weekend with JD.

School work.

Starting attending AA meetings from the drinking induced by the laundry and school work.

Succumbing to Gleek-hood. I literally sit there -- while folding laundry and grading school work -- mouth agape or I find myself busting a move where ever I am. Or worse, I have to harmonize with the singers on TV. I should win a freaking Gleek crown.

That's been about it. What's shaking in your world, Bacon?

Apology

2011-05-15T10:24:00.000-05:00

I. Am. Ashamed.

Appalled.

LIFE got in my way again... and complete exhaustion... and I haven't even had a decent blog thought for A MONTH!

I leave you with my apology.

Untitled from Alisha J on Vimeo.

Imma Be, Imma Be....

2011-04-07T20:47:00.000-05:00

Google Search

Smee (sitting beside me, rubbing my whisker-laden calf): Mom, why do you have hairs all over you.

Me: Because I'm a mammal.

Smee (thinking really hard): Oh.....so does that mean when you grow up, you're gonna be a hippo?

Maybe I should shave more often...

Celebrate Good Times, Come ON!

2011-04-01T07:25:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again....

I Lovedlovedlovedloved the last Blog Party. I met some of the most awesome people and found blogs that get me through the day/week like a lifeline.

If you haven't partied before, pull out the bubbly, blast some tuneage, hunker down in your casa, and prepare for a week of awesomeness. If blogs are your guide to giggles and grins, you must party. It is an absolute necessity.

So head on over to 5 Minutes For Mom and link up.

We be jammin' all week long.

And as for me....

Here is me.

Here is me before haircolor.

And obviously, a haircut and about 20 pounds heavier.

I did that whole marriage dealio back 11 years ago, and I guess it stuck since he still comes home every night and he still seems to like me. That's okay. I think he's pretty cute, too.

I have rocket-launched 3 creatures of the male sex from my loins.

Here are said creatures.

I wish they'd show more personality and stop bottling it up inside.

And as of October 2010, I have gone from a SAHM for 5 years to a Customer Service Representative at a cell phone provider.

Talk about a dramatic change!!!

I have blogged about things that irritate me, things that crack me up, things I love, my kids, my family... basically anything that pops into my head. And song parodies. Love me some song parodies. I'm always in the middle of writing my own.

So, feel free to delve into my archives.

(Oooh, that sounds dirty!)

And see the past, the present, and get ready for the future.

Open Letter

2011-04-01T06:40:00.000-05:00

Dear Hormones,

I do believe I have been very good-natured about the things you have thrown at me since you decided to grace me with the appearance of Nature's Gift. I haven't really let you get me down. Not saying that I ADORE my 8 day period, or that I jumped for joy when I started breaking out like a 14 year old boy when I was pregnant with Smee. Or when my brother told me I had paint in my hair and it was a shiny patch of grays. But the latest gag is the limit. The one that any woman would have a mob of angry ovulators carrying flaming tampons and pitchforks, hammering your door down.

The facial hair.

And we're not talking a downy li'l tuft of peach fuzz, either.

It was the mammoth hair.

The raging sequoia of follicle fabulousness.

One the width of oh, say... 5 hairs.

On.my.cheek.

On my motherlovin cheek!

And what's worse, given the length of it, it would have had to have been there a bit. AND I DIDN'T NOTICE IT!!!!!!!

Hormones, you are the devil. I know you are laughing it up somewhere and what's worse, you're laughing it up inside of me while doing these evil bouts of debauchery to my face and body. I'm going to be really pissed if your next joke is a beard. At least I could join the circus. Oh, wait. I already live there.

Hormones, I got my eye on you.

Sincerely not amused,

The Next Bearded Lady

I Love To Lie.

2011-03-22T08:10:00.000-05:00

I love to lie. I can't help it, I just do. I lie everyday. And I'm sure most of you do, too.

My favorite way to lie: Makeup.

Seriously. The world cannot handle me without it. Eye circles, blemishes... The the whole shebang. It's scary. **shudders** I need to issue a public apology to people I run into at the grocery store.

My second favorite lie: Haircolor.

I cannot go around looking like the Bride of Frankenstein with my "wisdom highlights" that seem to have taken over my head. I know people are all about scary stuff these days. Look at how many horror movies there are. But it's a whole new breed of scary when you shriek as you look in the mirror due to a serious WTH moment. People freaking you out: ok.
Freaking yourself out due to OMG hair: not allowed.
I think I need to compose an open letter to the gray hair factory, because if you HAVE to have them, can't they at least match the rest of your hair? What is with the straight hair and the corkscrew grays?! No matchy, not good.

Another fave lie: Push up bras.

Back before the motherhood gods smiled upon me, the only chance of busty I had was to stand in front of the freezer for a bit. A bit of removable boobage was the only thing keeping me from looking like Justin Bieber. When I first married, JD was like, "That is such a gyp!" Thank you, dear. Is it my fault that when the order for me was placed that the plumpness was added doubly to the backend? Um, no. Double order of butt was not really what I ordered. So what if my boobs would hang on the doorknob when the day was over? I could at least strap those puppies on in the morning. The likelihood of them hitting my knees when I was 35 was minimal, and you have the option of various colors. And no back aches, not a bad deal. It took me 25 years to finally get boobs. Another reason, aside from tax season, that I love my kids.

So are you a liar, too? If you say no, I know that's a lie.

What are some of your favorite personal lies?

Granny Update

2011-03-08T21:44:00.000-06:00

Thanks for the prayers, guys. Seriously.

Well, here's what I know so far.

It was a reaction.

There was no stroke.

Morphine makes her think everyone is out to kill her.

Today was my parents' anniversary and they spent it apart.

She still has to have another surgery on her leg to close up another surgery when she had a pump inserted to drain off fluid build-up.

She was supposed to leave the hospital and go into rehab next week. Now I'm not sure of when she'd leave.

I know she'd better hurry up and get well.

I miss her and need to hug her.

Granny and Smee

Granny and all the heathens.

Prayers Please

2011-03-08T09:53:00.000-06:00

I just got a call from my Mom saying Granny is having what looks to be an adverse reaction to some medication in the hospital. She was talking to the nurse, suddenly went rigid, and started saying, "Call my son. Call my son." Then, stopped responding when spoken to. The nurse immediately called my Dad, held the phone down to her so he could talk to her, thinking if he spoke to her, she would respond. She hasn't. She's making sounds like a yipping dog and not talking. Her mother had a similar reaction when she was in the hospital and they thought she was dying, stopped the medicine, and she snapped out of it.

My Dad is on the way to Dallas right now. It'll take at least 2 hours for him to get there and probably more time for him to actually find out something. I'm just trying to get prayers going for both of them before I head out to work. So I wanted to jot a quick note to you guys, asking you for prayers.

Sadly, I'll be unable to update until around 9 this evening, since that's when I get home.

Thank you so much for your prayers. You don't know what they mean to us.

Update

2011-03-04T11:17:00.000-06:00

Hola and happy freaky Friday, my friends.

How's this new month treating you?

So far, March has been ... interesting.

We've been back-to-back calls for 4 straight days and I really don't like it. But the time does fly.We're talking so back-to-back, you have time to close one call, say goodbye, save their information, and *BEEP!* you're on another call. This can go on for hours at times. I've been told it used to be like that ALL.DAY.LONG. Oh, hayell no. I would tear every hair out of my head.

I also was called a name for the first time in my Customer Service Representative career. I kind of feel like I'm a part of the in-crowd now.

Granny Update

Granny wound up having a bypass on Tuesday and she came through it really well considering everything that's gone on. (She's 84, she's had to have them open several blockages in the same artery, she's also had internal bleeding in the leg they did not expect to stop, and she has the Give-Ups really bad) She will probably leave the hospital next Tuesday (until her pain is under complete control) and be moved to a rehab hospital for a week or so. I'm glad they aren't just tossing her out at home. I'm pretty sure, haven't heard for certain, that they used one of her arteries in her other leg to bypass the blockage, so that means she's been temporarily lamed for a while. I told her that she had people all over the world praying for her and she liked that. We aren't giving up on her. So now if we can keep her from giving up on herself... therein lies the trick. Thankyouthankyouthankyou so much for your thoughts and prayers for her this week. My whole family appreciates it so much.

Random...
I'm thinking of re-vamping my place here, so you might show up to something new. Consider yourself warned.

And I Thought My Problems Were Bad...

2011-03-03T08:52:00.000-06:00

This poor family... my stuff is just minor compared with what they're going through. Please, please, please send prayers for them and little Lucy.

http://erikandkatekrull.blogspot.com/

Be back tomorrow with updates.

This Thing Called Blog..

2011-02-26T10:55:00.000-06:00

Lately, I just can't handle it.

And I apologize for not popping on here and saying something for 2 weeks. This month has been crap. I hope March is better.

Quick update:
I wound up not going to Tessa's funeral. The person I was going to go with wound up not going and I didn't want to go myself since I didn't know her personally, and come to find out, Tattoo Girl went and made a big boo-hooey scene. Thankfully, I wasn't there or I would not have been able to control myself from flying over on her and taking her down to the ground in front of everyone and their dog. She has me pretty riled with this whole Andrew ordeal and she can't seem to shut up.

Work is good. Got a raise this weekend. WOOHOO!! 4 whole cents, but hey, I'm glad. It'll add up!!!

Also took a 3-day weekend this weekend for me berfday. Rock-on 29!!! Which is going to be my last birthday for a while. I'll just hang out at 29 for a few years... like maybe 50. So far it's worked for my Granny. She's been 29 and holding since I can remember.

Speaking of my Granny, please keep her in your prayers. She had surgery yesterday (the 5th or 6th one) to re-open the artery in her leg. It was 100% blocked all the way up to her thigh. There's a chance that she'll eventually lose her leg, and that would honestly, just kill her. She's already told the doctor she doesn't want to live without her leg. So, the next step is to run lots and lots of tests on her other leg, checking the veins to see if they can take one of those and use it in the other leg, test her heart, and various other tests. Possibly by next Thursday (at the soonest) they'll try the by-pass. This will be the 2nd one on the same leg. This is really hard on my dad. He's an only child and his dad passed away when I was 2. So please keep them in your prayers.

This is my first Saturday off since Training ended back in December. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. I think I'll actually try to finish the huge office-toolroom rearrange. Then my office will be suitable for recording again. Right now it's reaaaaalllllly bad. That would be why there hasn't been any music posted as of late.

Our anniversary is actually next week on the 2nd. I couldn't get the day off, but I thought we might try to celebrate by going out for some Whataburger. That's where we went for our first date waaaaaaay back in 1999.

So we date like it's 1999. We sit in the same booth and make goo-goo eyes at each other.

Well, I make goo-goo eyes and he tells me, "Stop it, you're weirding me out."

And I tell him, "It's because I wuuuuv yoooou."

And then his jalapeno cheeseburger becomes really interesting.

**Sigh** I don't know why we don't go out more often.

A Favor to ask since you're my super duper buddies.

I am gadget obsessed, yet gadget illiterate. I'm wanting to get a tablet/e-reader for not a lot of $. The iPad is the actual thing I'm wanting, but that ain't gonna happen unless I get a certified letter in the mail saying that I'm actually one of Bill Gates love-children and they will pay me millions for my silence. I'd ask them to pop in a new Windows phone, too. I have a big mouth.

So what I'm looking at is this tablet and this tablet.

All you gadget fanatics, please let me know what you think is the best one. Reviews are a buttpain since everyone seems to want to compare to the iPad. Me, I just want to be able to read books on it, check my blogs, do Facebook, and possibly check the weather. I'm really liking the Velocity since it already has the Kindle app on it. I don't know what to think about the PanDigital because I don't know about the Barnes and Noble store. Let me know what you think would be the best fit for me. OR even toss another one on there if you think it'd be better.

Another favor....

For my birthday, I want to you head over to The Empress's place. This is her blogaversary!!!!! If you haven't seen her place before, GO! If you've been there, GO BACK! Stop by and give her love and help her celebrate! Tell her I told you to go. I'm bossy that way.

Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend. I've missed you bunches. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts.

Update

2011-02-18T10:00:00.001-06:00

Yesterday when I got to work I heard a rumor that Andrew had been up there. (If you're new here, check this post out.) So when my break time came I nearly ran over people to get to the other side of the building to see if this was truth.

It was.

I had just missed him.

But he had his dad bring him up to work yesterday to "let everyone know he's okay."

That kid. **shakes head**

It seems that his injuries include one of his eyes being swelled shut, some facial fractures, lacerations and bruising on face and arms, and a fractured foot. A true miracle that he's alive as bad as the pictures were.

Tessa's funeral is today and I'm going to go. I think my friend Tammy and I are the only ones from work that are going to be able to go. I'm going to be a mess, it's just a given. If I'm around crying people, I'm like an emotional sponge and I'll soak up their sadness and explode it all over. But I'd like to go in support of Andrew. I will be taking kleenex.

But I wanted to give you guys an update and thank you for your prayers. I know I appreciate them and I know the families need as many prayers as they can get.

Crappy Valentines Day

2011-02-14T23:25:00.000-06:00

Got to work today to find out that one of my good friends and practically my little brother, Andrew, was in a head-on collision last night. I don't really know the extent of his injuries, but seeing the truck, I'm sure they're not great.

And his girlfriend, Tessa, the love of his life, was killed.

All at the hands of a drunk driver.

A man who had 3...count 'em 3... DWIs on his record.

This man with 3 DWIs on his record has now ruined the life of an 18 yr. old boy and shattered the life of the family of a 16 yr. old girl, while he lies in a hospital bed with critical injuries of his own. All due to tossing some cold ones back and hopping in the car.

To make matters worse, as if they could get any worse, Andrew doesn't know about Tessa yet, as he's going through multiple surgeries himself. The doctors don't want him to lose the will to live.

He is awake and talking. Talking about Tessa, asking about her, where she is, how she is.

Putting others above himself, as always.

Andrew, Tessa's knight in shining armor, healing in the hospital while his princess awaits her cold sleeping place.

Friends, please take your loved ones today and everyday, take them in your arms, smother them with kisses and tell them you love them even if they think its gross, awkward, or even weird. You never know when something will come and smash your happiness apart. It might come in the shape of a careless driver in a van fueled by gasoline and alcohol.

I love you guys.

Happy crappy Valentines Day.

This Blog Will Soon Return to It's Scheduled Fodder

2011-02-10T08:21:00.000-06:00

Due to bad weather, 360's on the ice (But everything's okay, promise.), a birthday, part doux of the wintery bonanza of icy roads, leaving me to stay at a hotel in town: we will soon be returning to our regularly scheduled blog fodder.

We do apologize for the interruption.

Hope you guys are all safe and warm.

Blah

2011-02-04T11:25:00.000-06:00

Well... I'm still stuck at home.
But it's Friday, so technically I didn't have to call in today and that's a plus.

There's the sound of ice falling off the house, glory, hallelujah! Because it's getting to the point where I could rent out my driveway as the latest and greatest ice skating rink.

My kids are suffering from cabin fever. And JD is just suffering. You'll see why below.
My dogs and I are gassy. Me, from the beans and cornbread we ate yesterday.
(Note to self: To save family members, DO NOT forget to add the potato to the beans while cooking.)
Them, from heaven knows what. But it ain't good.
A plus though... all my nose hairs have been burned off. Saves me from that nasty eye-watering plucking.

I'm exceedingly glad we had toilet paper. I really didn't want to have to go in with frostbite on my rectum 3 weeks before my birthday.
I'm having visions of being called "The Black Hole" for the rest of my life, if that had happened.
We did not have this conversation. **Jedi Mind Power**

And speaking of birthdays... Smee will be 5 on Sunday. (How can this be?!?!)
And I was going to take him on a "date" today to let him pick out a new pair of shoes and a couple of outfits and take him out for ice cream at Braum's.

But that has had to be postponed.
And you know what that means?

I have my child no presents for his 5th birthday.

I am a horrid mother.
I DO have stuff to make a cake, though. So, I guess that means I suck marginally less.
But really, it makes me mad that I didn't get him anything.
Things have kind of come round in a strange circle. 5 years ago, I was in the hospital on Super Bowl Sunday when the Patriots were playing the Packers, and once again, the Packers are playing. Strange. And now I have the urge to eat a bunch of cheese.

I've heard that it has been snowing in other areas around and that really makes me want to throw a screaming, kicking fit.
I have a 4 year old, I do know how this is done. I've been trained very, very well in screaming fits.
I'm still concerned I'll be fired. I've had to call in 3 days straight.
But each time I have an excused absence. So in the scales of justice, I don't really know where that lands me.
I did mention my concern to the attendance people and they said I wouldn't be fired, but I know sometimes they'll pull something from left-field on you and bomb you with it right when you think everything's okay. Oh, the positivity!!!
I'm going to try to get in Saturday. Nothing says awesome like worrying about your job and getting a check for 2 days worth of work right when the bills are due.

Well, it is what it is. What comes is what comes. We'll just take it in stride.

Once Upon A Time...

2011-02-02T10:57:00.000-06:00

there was a girl

and some boys

who lived waaaaay out in the country.

The girl got a nice job that she really enjoyed

and it made the whole family super happy.

Until one day, this happened.

And the girl couldn't go to work.

She was left hoping and praying for a happy ending.

I hate ice.

Check This Out!

2011-01-27T08:16:00.000-06:00

Kelly is hosting me as Blogger of the Month over at her place and she asked me to do a guest post -- my first guest post. It was so fun to do. So head over there to see my top 5 pet peeves and 5 favorite things.

Holy TMI, Batman!

2011-01-26T21:42:00.000-06:00

Google search

So, I wake up today feeling all relieved because I had yet again survived a Tuesday. Tuesdays at work are notoriously craptastic.

For some insane reason all of the crazy people in the nation wake up on Tuesday morning thinking, "Hey, it's Tuesday! You know, I'm going to call my cell phone company and make crazy demands and give those poor people who are just trying to make a living, just flat give them Hell." There just HAS to be some sort of memo that goes out to Crazies Anonymous weekly saying "Don't Forget To Call and Torture Customer Care Representitives Every Tuesday!"

There's some sort of award system for it or something, I'd swear it.

So I made it through another Tuesday and I only had to drink 3 Pepsis in the day to survive. Not bad. I didn't have to whip out the flask this week. This is progress.

I had decided the night before since I made it through the Weekly Caller Apocalypse that I'd dress up to commemorate the occasion. In other words: Dress Professionally. You know, since I got hired and made it through the training and all and then "nyah nyah nyah boo-booed" back to work for several weeks in jeans and a comfy shirt. I blew the dust off my professional garb, and was getting ready to strut my stuff when it happened.

The big surprise.

The stomach virus.

The knock old ladies out of the way, trample crawling infants in my path, scream obscenties at clergymen, and give Chuck Norris the finger kind of stomach virus...

10 minutes before I have to drive 45 miles to work.

I was quite pleased about it, even if I was redundant with my repeating, "Crap, crap, crap!" while exploding my nice bathroom.

I made the drive to work after that, butt clinched so tight my eyes were squinting. It was successful, because if it hadn't been, that smell would NOT have been the smell of success. While driving, I was mentally planning how to handle the upcoming fun being chained to a desk via headset for the next 8 hours.

1) If it got hairy, I'd just barf in my trashcan. I'd blame Tattoo Girl. Who cares if she sits all the way across the building!

2) I was debuting my new cologne line, Eau De Diarrhea. The newest addition to the organic cosmetics.

3) Go buy brown pants at Goodwill on my break.

4) Tell them the smell was from my annoying neighbor. Surely she has food in her desk from 2005. She has everything else in there.

This was going to work! I could tell!

I managed to get through the day without mentioning in any calls, "Yes, could you please hold because I am about to crap my pants? Yes? Thank you so much! I'll be right back." I hear they count off on the quality grades for those kinds of things.

I didn't have to use my list, which is good. That means I can have it for later.

One more day 'til my day off. Thank you, Jesus!

Something New I'm Working On Recently

2011-01-08T21:33:00.000-06:00

This gal can sing and play and I'm LOVING this song!!!
Working on my version of it. Hope you guys enjoy this video as much as I do.

Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout, Willis?

2011-01-07T15:47:00.000-06:00

TGIF!

So I'm off Fridays now. And I am glad. But that means I'm off Friday, work Saturday, off again Sunday. Which is really weird, but when I get floating holidays, starting Jan. 18th, I can toss one on a Saturday which means I have a 3-day weekend, baby. And I will so be doing that.

So what did I wake up to on my much needed day off?

This.

Grassfire about 3 miles north of my house. And the wind was blowing it in our direction. Awesome.

Right after I took this picture, it got really big, black, and scary.

Then, suddenly, it was gone.

Thanks local VFD.

I'm very thrilled to keep my home and belongings on my day off.

Speaking of belongings...

Here's what JD got me for Christmas!

Isn't it cute? I love it!

So, taking a leaf out of Petit Elefant's page:

what is in that camo cargo carrier?

This.

Yeah... shameful, isn't it.

And yes, that is 5 tampons and 2 pads in the lower left corner.

I have no qualms, people. You should know this by now.

So what all is in there (listed clockwise):

1) Baby wipes -- in case of accidents or grossness or an outbreak of chicken wings and no napkins

2) First Aid Kit (white case below baby wipes) Hey, I AM a mom, you know.

3) Inhaler -- in case of asthma attacks due to allergies

4) Pill Bottle with all sorts of goodies --In case of headaches, diarrhea, heartburn, allergic reactions... etc. Lately, the Advil and Aleve are my BFFs.

5) Calendar/Planner -- In case I need to make people think I'm organized... or need a phone # or address

6) Keys

7) Gum -- I.Must.Have.Gum.At.All.Times. It's a law or something.

8) Cell phone

9) Small Legal Pad -- To leave crass notes on people's windshields. Not really, but to take notes whenever. Again, to give off the "organized" vibe. Fake it 'til ya make it, people.

10) Wallet -- To carry and make people think I have money. Hahaha! Such a trick!

11) Love Pink Perfume from Victoria's Secret -- Gift from a friend I work with. I think she thinks I smell. ;) **Hi, Tammy!!!**

12) Lipstick and Lip liner -- Sometimes you gotta have lips.

13) Pads and Tampons -- No explanation needed. I hope.

14) iPod and Ear buds -- Which so far I haven't had a chance to use since I started carrying them around.

So, what do you gals carry around? What's in the deep, dark recesses of the bag you lug around?

Feel free to email pictures if you want.

I'll post 'em with your permission.

I did lie in my last post. I did take a few pictures on Christmas Day.

I'll leave you with Smee at Christmas Dinner that evening.

I Have A Blog?!

2011-01-01T23:42:00.000-06:00

Oh, yeah! I think I remember this blog thing I used to do.

I do apologize for that long hiatus. For some reason, the holidays kicked me in the gut and I'm just now recovering.

Let me first say:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

I am so awesome.

I stayed up until 11:30 last night.

Yeah, a whole 11:30.

Which turned out fine because I had to go to work this morning.

And for some reason the thought of partying hard last night and heading to work with a raging hangover while people screamed directly into my ear didn't seem all that appealing.

I do believe I was one of the few that thought that, though.

And it's okay. The new year didn't need any help from me getting here.

So what has happened...

Well, Christmas happened.

And it was grand.

My kids had a blast and we had a wonderful time with our family where I didn't take ANY pictures because I am obviously a genius.

I'll just say, we now have a teepee, shoes, and a bazillion guns in the house.

And Mama's gotta go to Bath & Body Works for some smelly good lotion. Skin is drydrydrydrydry.

The day after Christmas, our hot water heater decided to give up the ghost, and of course, it was out of warranty.

Awesome.

But we got a new one put in yesterday and I started the year off with a fabulous hot bath.

I had been going up to my parents' house like Oliver Twist, begging, "Please, sir, may I have a shower?"

I'm just not a shower person.

You can't read in the shower.

Or at least, the library frowns upon it.

I don't see Tattoo Girl nearly as much as I did when we were in training, so those stories have really died down and I've really become lax in wearing my blindfold at work. The no-blindfold thing really helps with the typing, though! (For those of you who missed that, batch of enlightenment, you can see it here .)

And BIG NEWS!!!

And I'm excited!!!

I have been chosen to be Blogger Of the Month for January on

Mom Got Blog!!!

And Blogger is being awful and won't let me add the button!

But Kelly has made me sound so super awesome you'll have to go check it out to believe it. She's the bomb(dot)com.

Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou, Kelly!!! You're the best.

Well, that is all, peeps!

I hope your new year is full of blessings, joy, and love. **Blows kisses** Mwah!

Fa la la la la And All That Jazz

2010-12-12T22:25:00.001-06:00

My favorite Christmas carol EVER.

Totally disregard the tools in the background. One of these days we will have JD his own tool area, but this was not that day. And the reason this is my hands and not my face... let's just say this day hair and face were not up to the same level as the voice. Nothing more needs to be said. So, ignore tools in the background and think Christmas-y thoughts. Amen.

What are your favorite Christmas songs?

O Holy Night from Alisha J on Vimeo.

Yo, yo, yo, Home Diggety.

2010-12-11T11:12:00.000-06:00

Made it through another week.

Officially, I am OUT of training and tossed like a guppy into the shark pond. Yes, I'm still nervous. And yes, people make fun of me for being nervous. That, and I have my cube COVERED in neon Post-Its to remind me where to find things and what to say. I also get razzed about filling nearly 3 legal pads of notes. They say I have written down every word ever spoken in training and that I should feel fine about it.
I do not feel fine about it. I'm just waiting for them to come up with a box and walk me out due to sheer stupidity. I am confident... that I am not great. But, let's celebrate mediocrity! Wooo hoo!!

We moved up to our managers and our official desks yesterday. I was so nervous I had to go pee approximately 254 times yesterday. Trying to set a good impression, you know. Thank God, my desk is about 10 ft. from the bathroom!

One really stinky factor: All my friends that I've eaten lunch and had breaks with everyday for the past 2 months, we all have conflicting schedules and will hardly ever see each other starting in January! And I was going to carpool with one. That totally stinks. We all went around yesterday, sniffing and moaning about how bad we're going to miss each other. Felt kind of like graduating high school, where you are leaving everyone you know, love, and trust, and being tossed back to the first day of Kindergarten again, where you're in a strange environment and you know NO ONE.

News on Tattoo Girl: Oh lawsy.... **facepalms** Girlfriend is going to get her little butt fired if she doesn't quit pulling these stunts:

Trying to show someone the peace sign (Yes, THE peace sign) IN the flesh, IN the call center to another rep (Female rep, thank heavens). **facepalms**
Talking to EVERYONE about stripping/lapdancing/money in the Tri-State Area.
Telling everyone in massive detail about shaving her head, tattooing it, amongst OTHER areas. Let's just say THE peace sign won't be lonely. Eek.
Touching people and lifting or pulling their clothes aside to see their tattoos.
And my personal fave... letting a pimp pay $50 (his bill was way more than that) to turn on his phone, (who really wasn't eligible for payment plans), while telling a customer, who had been with us for 10+ yrs, she couldn't turn her service on.

I am really scared to even be seen with her because I'm scared of getting fired by association! Girlfriend takes waaaaaaaay too many pills and is stoned out of her gourd every day. Me, I take Advil when I can't beat the headache and it's making me cranky. But I will pee in a cup freely if asked.

Okay... enough work talk. It's my day off!

Here's different variations of the new hair:

The Rocker Chick

(which I pretty much wear 90% of the time)

Bieber's Nerdy Sister

(AKA Day Off Hair)

And The In-Between

This was one of those "just happened" hairstyles.

Here are some pics of the kiddos taken the other day.

The kiddos that love me.

And miss me.

And wish I were still home.

Because?

Daddy's meaner than you, Mom, and we miss you.

Awww... I nearly teared up there for a second before I laughed my head off.

Boo hoo, Laughing Boy. We're letting the male sex see what mamas handle.

And it ain't pretty.

Not really sure if Smee's pulling a glamour pose, or an "I'm gonna drop my elbow right into your spleen, Dad!"
But knowing him, I'm going to say B.

They're getting so big! This is not allowed!

Here's Mo. Lately it is such a JOB to get him to look at the camera!

Maybe because my camera flashes approximately 6524 times before it actually TAKES the picture.

(Do you hear me, Santa? Mama needs a new camera and she sure wouldn't turn down an SLR *wink, wink*)

So the other night, we hear Smee up and around after he'd been asleep for awhile. So, JD tells me "Hey, take your camera and check on him because I bet he's asleep on the toilet."

Nope.

He wasn't in the bathroom.

Wasn't in his bedroom.

Wasn't on the couch.

All his usual haunts.

Just when I was getting concerned, I found him.

Sleeping on the kitchen rug right in front of the sink.... with no pants on, bare butt sticking straight up.

I actually took this picture, not realizing his butt was shining, so it's edited. JD is the one that told me he didn't have any pants on when he came back from putting him back in bed, WITH pants.

Me and Smee. Me beebee... with the gigantor cranium.

Goob and Mom

Everyone has always said "Oh, he looks just like you!"

I never actually noticed til this picture.

Then, it was like "Okay. I did birth my twin"

We look the same, act the same, and get the giggles just talking to each other. Crazy. It's mini-me as a boy. Oh, and if I were a boy, I'd totally rock the mohawk, too.

And Mom and Mo.

Child.

**shakes head**

Such a nut.

That's all for now, peeps!

May have a surprise for ya tomorrow.

Love Is Only A Phone Call Away -- NOT G-Rated

2010-11-30T21:58:00.000-06:00

Hey.

Whoops!

Don't faint!

I know it's shocking seeing a post from me in the middle of the week, but this one just couldn't wait.

I mean, it's a doozy.

So, I've kind of let on about how the phone calls we get are a pretty mixed bag.

Some gals I work with actually get hit on while they're taking calls all the time.

Me, not really.

But then again, I'm kind of oblivious to that kind of thing, so I may get hit on and not notice. Sad, I know. I mean, a guy hit on me once and it took me an hour to realize that he hit on me and that it was a really lechy way to hit on me (not to mention that I'm like 10 years OLDER than him and he's shall we say... not attractive in the least), so, an hour later it dawned on me and THEN I was grossed out. And mad.

So I am astute, baby.

Today, I'm taking my calls, cheerfully answering the phone because these people ARE technically the ones slathering the butter on my bread.

I'm all smiley: "Thank you for calling _____ today. My name is Alisha Jaybird and I will be assisting you."

Little yellow Walmart guys are literally shooting through the receiver into the caller's face I am so happy and jovial. Happiness and joy radiate through the phone and magically a smile appears on his face and rainbows show in prisms on his wall. Super-Happy. Happyhappyhappyhappy.

Mr. Caller pleasantly tells me his woes and I start looking into how I, being the call-center She-Ra, can once again save the day, my smiley sidekicks pummeling any negativity channeled in my general direction. Boo-yah!

I place him on hold to confer with my manager on just how to handle this certain situation.

As soon as my finger pressed the hold button.... it started.

Exactly what, I'm not sure, but it sounded like it belonged on cable laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate at night.

Heavy, paced breathing, breathy whispering.

The whole she-bang. And quite possibly, literally, on the bang part.

But, honestly, I don't wanna know. Ugh.

I had one of those moments where I looked like this:

Then I looked like this:

And wound up looking like this:

Well, minus the beard and plus glasses and more teeth. But you get the gist.

My manager was looking at me curiously, since it's not really easy to ignore the redhead with the magenta face sitting beside you. (FYI: I am a champion blusher and people at work have found this out and sometimes it is SO not cool. But those are stories for a whoooooole 'nother time)

So Manager asks what's going on and I tell him: "Well... I... um... this guy... well..."

Eloquent, I know. Don't be jealous.

Manager: "What? Is he having sex or something?"

Me (in very high pitched, laughing voice): "I think so!!"

I describe what I'm hearing, and HE starts laughing, which does NOT help me AT.ALL. Nor the mention of him telling me to tell the customer to "lay off the porn."

So while we're handling the call situation, while TRYING to ignore the OTHER situation, which was freaking IMPOSSIBLE, I might add... what happens?

Mr. Happy HANGS UP!

I don't know if he accidentally hit the button in the throes of gross or if he purposely meant to do it, but he was gone.

"Good!" you may say.

"Thank heavens!" you may think.

But alas, due to company protocol, good is not quite the word that comes to my mind.

Why?

Because.... I HAVE TO CALL HIM BACK.

Yep. I have to call Mr. Happy back.

And God was watching out for me because I have never in my life been so relieved to hear a voicemail recording. Ever.

After leaving a message and thanking God for voicemail and no personal extensions, I, then, proceeded to lay my head on the desk and laugh/hoot/snort/cry for several minutes.

I sounded so overjoyed when I answered my next call (and I was!!) I'm sure that caller just felt she had made my day.

You never know, love might just be a phone call away.... whether you want it to be or not. Ew.

Pictures from Google Search.

Things I Learned This Week

2010-11-28T22:32:00.000-06:00

First off, I want to thank all of you guys for your wonderful words of encouragement, your prayers, and friendship coming at me world-wide. I really am thankful for all of you bloggie people. You brighten my life, for reals. Big massive hugs to all of yas.

I'm Thankful Thanksgiving Only Comes Once A Year

It's not that I don't like food, family, friends, and a four-day weekend; it's that it's a scary fact that I gained 8 lbs. on Thursday ALONE! My Mom cooks too DANG good! Pumpkin pie, you are the devil. And don't even get me started on the dove dressing. Zeus looked at Hera and chewed her out for not being able to make it.

We had a nice Thanksgiving, even though the weather was COLD! Psycho Texas weather. 80 degrees on Wednesday and then highs in the low 40s and WINDY on Thursday. The brothers came in, my Granny came, we hosted 2 airmen from the local base, one from Arizona, one from Maine. We had a cousin and his family come in since their family have all passed on. They have the most gorgeous baby girl and are expecting another one of the pink variety in **looks at watch** about 10 weeks. And that made my loins cry a few times, but then they were okay.

My other grandmother (Memaw) can't come out anymore due to her dementia. She gets scared when she leaves her living facility for very long because she doesn't recognize people and places, and we live too far out for her to be okay with leaving. And it seems like she's going downhill right now into another level of dementia, and I hate that so badly. Its also really bad on my mom because she feels so guilty about it, the knowing she's doing the best for her mother, and still feeling as if it's a form of neglect. That was the worst part about our Thanksgiving, not having Memaw there. My uncle is a wretch of a person and he has been siphoning money off of her for years and nearly took every penny and still tries to wheedle anything he can out of her. He's been calling her and winding her up, which means many, many, many phone calls from her.

Angry phone calls.

Scared phone calls.

And there were about 7 of those on Thanksgiving where she was calling telling us how she hates it there, she's getting out, and she just wants to be home.

And she can't go home. Short of a Biblically proportioned miracle, she can't go home again. And she's really living about 50 years in the past. She always knows me, my mom, my dad, and she knows my brothers, but can't remember their names, but one day those will be in the past, too.
But today, I'm thankful she's still alive and still herself enough to be ornery and hardheaded.

On a lighter note...

Evidently, the airmen and my parents hit it off and they came back out over the weekend to work cattle, which I didn't see, but everyone seemed to enjoy it.

Salesmen Are Pesky and Tricky

So, why didn't I get to watch the airmen work cattle?

Friday night I got a phone call around 9 pm from a person telling me I had won some scented candles and a free carpet cleaning. So, they were coming out Saturday to deliver the candles and clean the carpets. I don't have wall-to-wall carpeting, just area rugs, so I tried to weasel my way out, but, hello! FREE CANDLES! So they came Saturday morning and things went just peachy. It was a place who repaired Kirby vacuums who did the drawing. I have a Kirby and I LOVE it, so I was game, and yeah, free candles. So, he came, he cleaned (17 rags full of sand out of my rug worth), and he tried to sell me a new vacuum for the low, low price of $2500.

And you know, I totally jumped on that deal. I was all over that deal like a white, powdery substance under Lindsay Lohan's nose.

Um... not.

He schpieled.

I hemmed.

He schmoozed.

I hawed.

And finally, he came down to the dirt (Ha!) cheap price of $1280, financed at $50/mo for 36 months because he was tossing in his weekly bonus because he liked me so much.

He OBVIOUSLY didn't know he was talking to the Goodwill Guru or Second-Hand Senora.

So, I played him.

He'd been here 2 1/2 hours and I was bored. I tossed out my sob story about the sorry year, the job issues, the financial woes of woes. The whole she-bang. And he offered me a deal under the table, 'cuz he's such a nice guy and all. He would still give me this amazing, fanstasmia-glorious deal of $1280 for the machine when he opened up his store in April because I'd never get this kind of offer ever again in my live-long-life, and because "they don't sell them online." He called his boss back and forth about 6 times trying to come up with a deal for me. And he left clicking his heels together because I was going to call him last night about the financing since it was such a wonderful deal because he liked me so much and wanted to help me and they don't sell them online.

Yeah.

I didn't call.

And as soon as his little happy butt hit the road, I hopped online and found several for $600. But you know, they don't sell them online.

I did get 2 free candles, though, and clean rugs.

And I might have mentioned how I love living out here in the boonies and didn't feel scared because of my trusty shotgun.

I may have said that.

And I might should feel bad about leading him on.

But... I don't.

I Miss Work.

Yes, that is messed up. But true. I miss work. Why?
Because the spawn, the offspring of my loins, my precious baby love muffins, my cheeeldren... have been fighting for.three.straight.days. Not to mention the wonderment of ignoring everything that comes from Mommy Dearest's mouth.

At least at work I have a Mute button and a Goodbye button.

And gross/disturbing entertainment that consists of knowing MORE about Tattoo Girl's NEW plans to re-decorate her nethers. No pictures as of yet, THANK YOU, JESUS! But I'm afraid. Very afraid.My mind's eye has had to poke itself out just from hearing about it.

I did talk to a man on the phone last week who sounded smooth enough to be a pimp-daddy. And actually I did imagine him in a purple suit with a cane while I was talking to him. Mr. Smooth Talkin' Man "tha Third".
It beats the heck out of "MOM! HE'S LOOKING AT ME! MOM! HE HIT ME! MOM! HE'S BREATHING!"

Oh, and I got a new haircut, but haven't taken any pictures yet! But I shall! I shall!

Hope you cats have a great week!

What I Learned This Week

2010-11-20T22:51:00.000-06:00

Well... I survived.

Although Wednesday was iffy. I no longer have a butt. It was chewed off by 5 consecutive calls of over 20 minutes of pissed people because they were calling for customer care and were routed to me (collections) because of a late bill or they wanted to try to dupe us or just people being people in the most fabulous ways.

I had a poor man who had just come home from the hospital for cancer treatments call to settle his phone bill issues before going back into the hospital AGAIN and he started throwing up while he was on the phone to to a bad reaction to his medication. I wanted to cry for him because he sounded so weak and reminded me of a friend I had when I was a girl. Her dad was the nicest man ever and he got Hodgkins Disease and we watched him waste away to nothing.

And to the other extreme... I feel like I have personally handled at least 10 phone calls this week from Medea herself. I swear this is what was on the other line.


Picture courtesy of Google search

Yesterday, one of my Madea's told me in nice terms that I was too dumb to process her payment and that she was hanging up, calling back, and processing her payment that way. Why? Because I was just double-checking on how she wanted to make her payment. Excuse me, madam, that I actually care what happens to your money, not that I'm a raging idiot.

Other things I've run into this week:

The man would would NOT shut the heck up about his dang puppies he was selling in Indiana. 15 minutes about puppies! I'm going for 4.5 minutes here, people!

The irritated Asian lady who had such a strong accent that I could only make out about every 15th word.

The guy who kept dropping F-bombs about his f*ing iPhone that f*ing wouldn't work because it was f*ed.

3 butt-dialed calls... IN A ROW... yesterday. It was Butt Dial Friday and I missed the memo!

And I went out to eat (my girl friend was supposed to go but got sick) and I didn't know until last minute and found myself at a restaurant with 4 single GUYS! I tried to help in the checking the girls out, but found that a little in the weird zone.

But to top it all off....

I'm going to make this one an open letter.

Dear Fry Cook at Cheddars:

Hi, you don't know me because I only eat out on Leap Years and I've only eaten here one time, and ironically, it was like 4 years ago and after dental work.

Anyways, the point I was trying to make is.... Even though your fries were simply amazing, properly salted slivers of potato perfection, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't scratch your nether-regions while frying up my burger.

Being a pretty big promoter of flossing, I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your placing one of your own curly-Qs from your man-dangles inside my burger to eliminate my having to floss later, but I have to say it was rather disgusting and embarrassing seeing as I was already hugely uncomfortable as I was sitting with 4 single men who were checking out women and Facebooking on their super-rad phones, while my Go-phone hid inside my purse in shame. I do, however, thank you for defiling the Angus patty with your hair because I really did enjoy getting a free burger.

Please look into some Nair and a lint roller. This will save you a lot in paying for other people's burgers.

Sincerely,

Me

*****

And because I know you're dying for it....

Tales from the Stripped!

Enthusiasm is Key to this Job!
Part of my problem is that I am not as enthusiastic as Tattoo Girl. I really need to pick up her pep and customers really seem to like to be told, "I was super glad to service you today!" (Oh, yes, this happened. And I laughed for 2 days over it.)

When You're Nervous and You Know It.... Shave Your Head!
So, evidently, nerves abounded over the weekend and Tat Gal came in with a dramatic haircut, you know, to up the girl power. Because everyone knows when you shave the back of your head with a 3 attachment, it makes you feel all girly inside. And I'm guessing that isn't good enough because she's now talking about shaving her head and tattooing her scalp before the hair grows back. I'm all for scalp tats because I don't have to blush when I look at those. I think she should write a book because this logic is just mind-boggling.

And one more thing... I think I must have "TAKE ME TO THE CLUB!!!" tattooed somewhere on my forehead. I don't see it, but I've been invited by MORE people to go to some strip clubs in Dallas (eek!) and some super-bad gangsta club in the Big City that even my 6'7" brotha pal won't go to, it's so bad.

And I didn't find out 'til Thursday that the gal that asked me to these clubs, is bi. Is that a date?! Well... I'm not really sure what to think about that one, so we'll just close this post by asking... "How 'bout them Cowboys?"

More Freaking

2010-11-13T09:07:00.000-06:00

Okay, let me start off my saying this:

I feel like a lazy worm for only posting once a week.

I apologize profusely for that.

This week every day I came home, extreme tension in my neck, lower back all locked up, one of those little sly headaches that hides behind your eyeballs and finds it hilarious to stab you with pain on off-beats, and the kind of exhaustion where you have to hold up one finger, check the tag on your undies, and then tell the person who asked your name who you are. I am absolutely BOGGLED on HOW it can be that I get that TIRED from sitting on my butt ALL.DAY.LONG.

I have been a SAHM for 5 years, people, this should be a dream vacation. I should have gotten the "You're Hired!" call from Pat Sajak and Vanna White! Mental pictures of an 8 hr vacay a day from the "Mom! He hit me! Mom! He's stupid! Mom! I can't read this! Mom! I threw up everywhere but in the toilet! Mom! I'm hungry!"

But no.... I'm all old, decrepit, sore, and dumb. And emphasis on the "old" over there. I'm getting to the point of when I hear how old someone is, if they're older than me, I just want to go over there, jump right on them, wrap my legs around them, and lay a big ol' smooch on 'em.

Dudes, I am feeling OLD. OOOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDD! Old and dumb.

Oh yes, this is totally the most uplifting, inspiring post to date. I know. And I apologize for that too.

We moved to desks yesterday.
In the grown up world.
No more cramming the head.

Now we just sit and pray that what we noted --in my case 2+ legal pads of notes and 2 post-it pads-- stuck somewhere in our heads. So far, I am awful. JUST awful. I go blank. And then I want to upchuck in my trash can and cry, which my cube partner would totally love, I know...
I am a worrying freak.

I worry that I don't worry enough.

I worry that if I try to calm down that means I don't care enough about my job for it to be important.

I worry I'm going to be the first person fired from the company for just being a complete hollow-head.

I worry that the 4 weeks of classroom was as much as my brain could hold for the rest of my life.

I worry that I will let my family down and JD will have to go back to full time at the prison.

And that one is a Godzilla sized worry. He stomps through my mental Tokyo all night long. I dream about screwing up. I dream about calls. I dream about getting fired. I dream about coming home to JD and telling him I got fired and looking at the devastation on his face. I feel too stupid to live some days.

And I know, for the love, this is just a silly job answering PHONES!!! I am a Freaker-Outer! I know! And I can't stop!!! I think I need to go on Maury Povich or something!

We start taking calls Monday. And God has smiled down upon me because my cube partner was listed to go first that day. I've tried to bribe love and a blind eye from our new managers with baked goods. I think it may work. I don't know.

Okay.. in other news...

There isn't really any news for Tales of the Stripped this week. Nothing cold-cocked me this week, but you know, there's always next week.... **cries**

I don't think me drinking Pepsi at work is a good idea anymore. It rather affects my behavior, makes me snort-laugh LOUD and raucously and be just ornery in general. But golly-gee.... that Pepsi was goooooooood. I should just Pepsi it up every weekend. I can have a par-tay at my house Saturday and Sunday, thanks to Pepsi.

JD the fabulously studly, hot, love-muffin had his birthday this week. I wuv heem. He's wonderful. He's gorgeous. He's manly. He's muscular. He's MINE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love my hubs. And he is totally feeling the pain of SAHD with no car. He apologizes on nearly a daily basis for not seeing how stressful it was, saying how he doesn't know how I did it.... I laugh deep inside. My belly-laugh has tears in its eyes. The fact that HE'S bringing up "You know, we really need to go out sometime! Out to dinner." Makes me just crow with hooting, hollering hilarity. This is the man that sees "date" as the WORST 4-letter word ever. So, I am totally snickering over this. Gosh, I love that man, and when he starts relating with me... he'd better look out! Nobody call our house! It's bi-zay allllllllllllllllll weekend, home-skillets.

Okay.. we're gonna just pretend that last part didn't happen.

Moving on...

He's really getting those short people that live here rounded up in the manner area. They had just started blowing me off, ignoring me, and doing whatever. But Drill Sergeant Daddy is here and he is lining them out.

For the most part.

I got on to Smee last night and he ran screaming out of my room and into his yelling "I HATE MOM! SHE'S SUCH A JERK!" So, that made my night. I did not go curl up in the bed and cry like I really wanted to. I just tried to shake it off. That was the first heart-blow from him. JD had a talk with him about it.

This is such a down and depressing post! Gosh! I'm seriously tempted to hit delete.

Come Monday we're going to see if I have the Right Stuff. I hope so. My head sure hurts and hopes so.

Things I Learned This Week

2010-11-06T21:50:00.000-05:00

Brain-Dead In Da Head.

I basically came in every day this week and collapsed on the couch, unconsciousness showing up at about 8:30 or 9 most every night. HOW in the world can you be this dang TIRED if all you're doing is sitting on your duff filling your head with an unholy amount of things? I feel like I've climbed the Mt. Everest of call center knowledge this week alone. Who would have thought the proper way of reading a bill would take 3 DAYS to go over? And that when I'm doing the run-thrus, that I STILL DON'T ANSWER IT RIGHT?!?!?!

But no stress, right? I mean, I'm the the big-pig bacon-bringer now. But no stress. Nah, no stress.

Next week, we'll be taking real calls from real people who are real mad about their real bills and I am real nervous.

Thank God that they don't look at the newbies' for perfection for about 6-8 months. Basically that means, I can screw up all the time and not get fired, unless for snapping a customer's head off, which is a nice little blanket of hope. I can take someone chewing me out without snapping. I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about that little thing called "Freak Out Brain" will take over EVERY call and I'll forget everything I've crammed into my throbbing noggin for the past nearly-four weeks.

But... again, no stress. **breathes into paper bag**

In other not so nerve-wracking news....

I have decided to open a new little cache of blog fodder filled with all the knowledge of Tattoo Girl herself, who, incidentally is a former (as of about a week ago) stripper. I mean, we have C-L-A-S-S goin' on!

So, without further ado.... here is Tattoo Girl's Bit of Blog Knowledge which we shall refer to as ....

Tales From the Stripped.

Photo from Google Search

" 'S, okay! They're Prescription!"

Evidently, if something is prescribed, it's A-OK to load yourself up on them at work.

I'll tell you, in the 3 weeks I've been in training, I've learned more about pharmaceuticals than you'd believe. And I've been offered to know ALL about it, if I want to. That and lapdancing. And here I thought all I was going to learn about was customer service!

The New Way To Shop

If loading up in the car and heading out to the store isn't your cup of tea, that's fine. In fact, there's a new way to shop. If you sign up to be a phone *ahem* madam, you can make your wish list and your clients can send you whatever you post on your list! Some gals put laptops, Segways, and all sorts of techy stuff on their list, and receive them! All you have to do is talk dirty on the phone to strange men for money and you'll get stuff. I guess that's an idea you can keep for the holidays! Good to know all the amazing ways to save money...

Well, one more day and I'll be learning more Heaven knows what. I tell ya, I. Can't. Wait.

And so far, I've avoided seeing anymore tattoo update pics. My eyes and brain are thankful.

Things I Learned This Week

2010-10-31T19:51:00.001-05:00

Always Be Prepared

As in, keep a note in your pocket at all times to remind you what your name is when all you've done for the last 14 days is play a mean game of "Shove As Much As You Can In Your Head!" Things are bound to ooze out the ears. So far these things have been my name, my shoe size, and remembering that I just lost 24 lbs. That is why little bite-size candy wrappers are showing up wherever I am.

Count Your Blessings

So far, I have managed to be blessed by NOT seeing any more pictures of Miss Peaceful Privates. I HAVE received offers of a lap-dance (at work) and several invites to the topless club, since women get in free, you know. As much as I hated to, I turned them both down. I know you all wish you were as irresistible as I am. Too sexy, Antonio, too sexy!

Allergies are the Pits.

Coming from a massive cracked-out-of-my-mind-high on Claritin D, I finally got used to it, wound up sleeping at night, which made me feel even more tired in the mornings, and then, I ran out. And planning smartly to go before work to pick up another box, I found out the pharmacy doesn't open 'til 9, which is when I'm supposed to go to work, AND they're closed before I get off. I think the Universe is laughing at me and my runny snot-nose. Thank you evil drug lords for using the ONLY allergy medication that works for me for evil. May asthma plague you and you can't pick up your drugs due to stupid butt heads like yourself. Amen.

Nerves and Adrenaline are your Friends!

We started practicing our calls with people in our training class last week. Right before going home. Which means we sat through 7 hours of computer simulations, explanations, and note-taking, while listening to various monotone voices tell us what to do. I learned to carry my own toothpick/eyelid props, because sharing those is a little too friendly for my liking. So after drooling on my pants, I find out I get to play the Rep. and my partner is the customer that calls me. I'll tell ya, THAT will set your adrenaline a-going! My heart erupted and sounded like the drum solo in "Shout." And it really took me about 3 hours to calm down. I'm so glad I'm going to be doing that for a living. If I'm ever in a car wreck or a hostage situation, I will be completely out of adrenaline, totally calm, and bored. But have someone ready to call me to pay their phone bill, dude, I will be higher than a kite, jumping at kittens playing with yarn.

Dress How Ya Feel

Friday we had a costume contest at work. And I dressed up. And my camera is AWOL. AGAIN! So, you'll just have to take my word for it. I was a cowgirl. I borrowed my dad's chaps, JD's cowboy hat, and the rest of the duds were my own. I didn't win, but I walked those dang 460 stairs with 10 lbs of leather on my legs. And if that shouldn't have won, I don't know what should have.

Starlight, starbright...

Also, someone I know who might write for this blog told me not to tell anyone that she may or may not have stopped up the toilet in Big Lots the other day. So what if she hadn't gone to the bathroom for a week and a half. Sometimes she doesn't want to eat fiber, especially if she's prone to nervous and fiber-related gas and in certain minuscule proximity to her neighbor, and there are no dogs, cats, birds, or small children to blame the said gas on. Now, all she knows is that someone stopped up the toilet at Big Lots. And left it. There will be no blame laid. But she's pretty sure they took her picture and will soon be posting it as a "Do Not Let Enter" poster at the store entrance.

"Things I Learned This Week" Debut

2010-10-23T01:19:00.001-05:00

So sorry to have not blogged all week. First week of work was rather intense. Good, but very hard on the ol' brain. I mean, I'm actually having to think about more than Legos, Batman, house cleaning, cooking, and all the other stuff that has been tucked in every nook and cranial cranny for the past 5 years. I've also decided to do a weekly wrap up probably on Fridays or Saturdays of "Things I Learned This Week." Here's the debut...

Things I Learned This Week:

Gas is a butt pain. I mean, gasoline.
I've had to fill up every other day with me working days and JD working nights. That bites.

City Folk Vehicles do not have turn signals. I think it's against the law or something.
This is a pet peeve of mine. I mean, come on, people! Show a little courtesy here! I just got this job and I really don't want to die.

My loosey-goosey caboosey is waaaaay out of stair practice.
BUT(T) that's okay. That won't last long. I do 460 stairs a day, at least. Yes, I counted. Soon my rump will be rock hard and rival Jillian Michael's. With these stairs, it will be better maintained than a national monument. But no bouncing quarters off of it. I don't like bruises.

Not going to sleep until 1:30 am 4 out of 5 nights makes me look like this when the alarm goes off at 6 am:

Very not cool. AND to make matters worse, the night I went to bed at 10:30, I shot awake at 4:30 am.

I haven't decided if iced coffee on the lunch break is a good thing or not.
I took some with me today and drank about 4 ozs. and I had the shakes when I got back to class. But I was all jacked up and that was rather interesting. I was a little, shall we say, enthused with our afternoon managerial speaker. As in, I yelled at one point when asked if we could gain an unholy amount of customers, "Because WE ROCK!! **double fist-pump**" He DID say "I LIKE your enthusiasm!!" I hope that's a good thing...

Side note: I think Truvia may have crack in it because that's what I used to sweeten it.

AND possibly the most important thing to remember:

You sure don't know who your co-workers are going to be and sometimes it's better to leave a little mystery.

Yes, as in preferably NOT showing phone pictures of the tattoo on your va-jay-jay 2 days after I have spoken with you.
Or at least, give me the option of NOT seeing said tattoo.

Nothing says "Let's be BFF's!" like a naked crotch shot.

Maybe so, if you're Paris Hilton.

My eyes and brain fainted.

They still haven't recovered.

Good thing I just bought a big jug of bleach.

And SOS pads.

I'm all for giving peace a chance, but not there.

(It was a peace sign, btw. I know I won't be forgetting anytime soon.)

Keep your peace and your pieces to yourself.

Louisey!

And just when you think you're going to get to wind down, start the weekend clock for R & R...

THIS happens.

At 11:30 Friday night. WHILE I was writing this post.

The dogs were out making their usual night sounds (barking) only this time it was more rhythmic and at odd tones. So I poked my head out the door to chew them out. And heard it. The sound of a box of cicadas. The sound that says "Nothing good is about to come from this situation at all."

The sound of a Western Diamondback rattler.

On my porch.

5 feet from where I had my head poked out.

I said words. That won't be repeated here. They may have rhymed with "hit" and "fit," but that's up to your imagination.

I slammed the door.

Ran to my closet to put on my boots.

Grabbed the spotlight.

And the camera. (Hey, I'm a blogger!)

And proceeded to locate the source of the dreaded sound.

Which wound up being right down from the front door, about 5 feet away.

I took a picture, saw it move in the flash, let out a squeal, and ran back in the house and locked the door.

You know, because snakes are known for their mad doorknob skillz.

So, I did what any self respecting country girl would do.

I called my daddy.

Seriously. I did.

I don't have a hoe or I would have made him chopped suey myself.

So Daddy-Dearest came and saved his baby girl with 3 shots into the evil snake with Mom's .22.

And if you're wondering, the rattle was 9 rattles and a button.

We're going to keep it.

Dead snake parts are how we roll, yo.

One sucky factor: They usually travel in pairs.

Awesome.

Ooooh... if we find another one, I can make rattle earrings!! We be classy!

So, now I'm off to scoop up and carefully drape a writhing dead snake body and toss it in the back of JD's truck so he can see it firsthand.

Someone, however, didn't fare so well.

But he's being medicated and he's still eating and drinking, but in a lot of pain. And he will be for several days. But I'm sure he'll be okay. Scout was bitten on the face and she made it A-OK and she was much smaller. Poor Beastie.

There's the debut of "Things I Learned This Week."

This blog post was brought to you by SnakeBGon and Titanium Panties. When your nether-regions get out of control, contain that jazz with Titanium Panties! Flash-proof, both camera flash and full-frontal flash. Just because you can shake what yo mama gave you, don't mean you have to show it, too.

Giveaway Winner!!

2010-10-17T20:18:00.001-05:00

And the winner is.....

#4 HALLIE!!!!

Hallie, you are the winner of the DVD Upside!!!

Congrats and thanks everyone for playing!!!

Blogger Babs Post -- Work Wear Chosen

2010-10-17T08:12:00.000-05:00

Whoa. I am a doofus. I COMPLETELY forgot to post about the first day of work outfit last night!

Sorry about that.

Duh.

This bodes well.

Eek.

And I've been kind of hyperventilating this morning over how at this time I'll be on the road heading to work.

Excuse me.

**Breathes frantically into paper bag**

Okay. I'm better.

Moving on to the POINT!

Okay... we had several choices chosen.

This one....

Theese onnnne....

And zeees onnnne...

The black/grey got the most votes.

So that one is the winner!

Thanks for playing and insuring I won't look like a complete dork on the first day of work.

I'll save that for Tuesday.

"Upside" Movie Review and Giveaway

2010-10-14T23:57:00.001-05:00

Solomon White is your regular high school boy. Jock extraordinaire, popular, a hit with the ladies, and on the radar of several Ivy League schools for his prowess on the lacrosse field. The guy has it all. Until an injury causes his world to flip upside down.

Follow Soli as he sees his life through new eyes and meets new friends that might not be what they seem on the outside. You'll start to rethink your own view of life and remember "it's all how you look at it."

Review: Okay, I was a little iffy on this movie at first. I let it sit on the dresser while life was running away with me here lately, and when I finally sat down to watch it, I was thinking it was going to be some silly view of a fluffy life onscreen. Some movies are that, ya know.

Wrong.

There is a lot going on in this movie. A lot that people can relate to and a lot that probably teens today are going through without saying much. Teens are invincible, right? I love that this movie gives them a view that their choices will change their lives, not just the now.

I really liked the realism of the characters, the situations, and the outcome. This really is a good movie! I'm surprised I hadn't heard of it before I received it to review. I think it would be a great movie to show at a youth night at church. There is some kissing in it, which surprised me. But it's not too much or racy. I love how they introduce the Christian elements into it.

I can easily say, I will watch this movie again. And if my boys were teens and in similar situations, I would happily sit them down to watch it.

"Upside" gets the thumbs up from me.

AND I get to send someone a copy!!

Just leave me a comment telling me how God helped change your personal views on something and I'll figure the winner with Random.org on Sunday night.

“Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or
services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it
on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally
and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance
with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the
Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Dress Me Blogger Babs -- Part Deux

2010-10-13T22:22:00.000-05:00

Do you remember how I called out the fashionable people to help me dress for date night a looooooonnnnnngggggg time ago?

Well, I'm calling on yous guys again to help me dress for MY FIRST DAY OF WORK!!!!

Drop me a comment about which outfit you want me to wear to work Monday. I'll choose the outfit Saturday night.

#1) I really like this one.

Banana Republic Silk Shirt (sounds expensive, but I paid $1.25 for it)

Black Slacks

#2) I like this one, too, but I don't know if it sends a good first impression message.

Brown Plaid Skirt

Turquoise Tank

Brown Cardigan

#3 (JD's pick)

White Tee

Ivory slacks with thin black pinstripes

Black Cardigan

#4) Red Shell

Grey slacks with red, white, and black pinstripes

Black Cardigan

(I like this one a lot, too.)

#5) Black top with rhinestone deco buttons on shoulder

Charcoal Slacks with grey pinstripes

I think the splash of color shocked my photog until he couldn't hold the camera straight.

#6) Bright Colored Sheer Shirt

Turquoise Camisole

Khakis

SO....

Which one do I need to wear Monday morning???

Please, you're my only hope!!

Amen

2010-10-13T17:37:00.000-05:00

Hello? Hello?

2010-10-12T23:37:00.001-05:00

Well, it's been long and muchly advertised, yet kept mum upon.

The new job.

Who's new job?

MY new job.

**big cheesy grin**

Yes, Me, who has been secreted away for 5 years from public viewing and mingling will soon (as in MONDAY) be re-released out into the public to do what very few attempt to do... or do right when they attempt it...

Customer Service.

Yes, I am afraid I will have to start loathing myself.

I will be starting my job as a Customer Service phone representative for a phone company. If you have a cell phone bill and you don't want to pay the $503.42 you racked up for 900 numbers, you will be calling me to pretend you have NO idea what this amount is on your bill.

I can't wait to answer those calls!

But really, I am really excited. This job pays more than the prison, JD is going to work part-time at the prison, and will be schooling the kiddos, and I'll take over on my days off and when I get home. So, this will get us moving to our dream. I'm excited. You should be excited, too. You could call me to try to get out of your bill!

This job is just seriously begging for a Lady Gaga "Telephone" parody. And I have been mentally concocting one for a while now. We'll see how it goes.

Pictures from Google Search.

This Year Is Just Flying By!!

2010-10-11T23:26:00.001-05:00

Just a Tad of Femininity in the Man Realm

2010-10-10T21:22:00.000-05:00

Biggest Loser Update

2010-10-07T00:25:00.000-05:00

Sorry this has taken me forever to update. Jennifer, the Biggest Loser coordinator has a life and I don't. Aside from announcing her third pregnancy (YAY!) and other obligations (This woman is Superwoman and gone on the weekends fighting crime and doing events.) we didn't find out who the winner was until Sunday. I no longer have fingernails... or arms from the wait. Chewed 'em clean off.

So the last weigh in was last Thursday. I lost 2 pounds! Woo hoo!! And those 2 pounds I think were epoxied to my duff. I should have chiseled them off.

And the winner is... or was....

ME!!!

I WON!!! YAY!!!

I officially lost 20 lbs in the 12 week period, making my percentage 12.50%! AWESOME! I can't believe I did it. I never really thought I would win, but hey, any weight lost was good enough for me!!!

I went from 160 pounds back in July...

Ooooh baby.

No, that was not a sun flare, it was just the light reflecting off my WHITE belly flab.

And me now. As in right now... makeup-free and in dire need of a hairbrush, which has disappeared off the face of the earth, evidently.

I'm now 140 lbs, whittling my way down to 135 or wherever the flab fight takes me. We're on to Operation Perk and Tone. Heaven help me, because these things haven't been toned or perked for 10 years.

Me in the awesome size 8 jeans that I now need a belt for.

I thank my amazing 7, 2 days from 8 year old photog.

I still can't believe I did it.

So, with my winnings that I worked my butt off for, I shall be buying a new pair of tennis shoes because I wore mine out, and I shall be buying JD a fantabulous birthday present. Can't wait!!

Everyone who was in the Biggest Loser is a winner! I hope they have made for serious life changes, because I sure know I have!! I'm so glad Jennifer put this together. I would have never been able to do it without her. She's awesome. I luff her.

135 pounds, HERE I COME!

AND THE WINNER IS............................

2010-10-06T15:32:00.000-05:00

#3... THE EMPRESS!!!! (Chosen by Random.org)

Her Majesty and her trio of terror will be receiving their very own copy of "Bringing Up Bobby!"

WAHOOOO!

Just email me your mailing address and I'll get this bad boy out to your mailbox so you can enjoy a family-friendly flicker-show ASAP!

Thanks for playing!!!
AND WE HAVE ANOTHER MOVIE GIVEAWAY SOON!!!

"Bringing Up Bobby" Review and Giveaway!!

2010-10-02T03:10:00.001-05:00

I'm sure there are many of you, such as myself, who like to hunker down with the family and partake in a nice, family-friendly flicker show.

BUT

These days its easier to find gold in a gangster's grin than to find something wholesome for your whole crew to watch.

I watched a movie this evening that is clean, wholesome, and hilarious.

"Bringing Up Bobby" is a movie you can sit down and watch worry-free with your kids in the room.

12 years after their parents passed away, James Wyler is still raising his youngest brother, Bobby, who is just about to turn 16. The day of his birthday party just HAPPENS to be the same day their parents' will is to be read and all their belongings divvied up amongst the four siblings, two of which miraculously appear on the doorstep pretending to dole out birthday wishes to their youngest brother.

Andrea, the lone sister, hopes to make away with everything, padding her palms and inventorying the house upon entry. Dennis, the middle brother, needs enough money to keep the anarchists from sniffing at his door. Long story, there. Bobby wants whatever it takes to impress the new girl, Liz, who intrigues as much as frustrates him. And James just wants to keep what he gets to better the life of his young ward.

All circumstances lead to talks of faith, family, who you are made to be, the importance of "stuff", and what is really important in your life.

"Bringing Up Bobby" is full of goofy humor, heart-to-hearts between brothers, the bringing together of differences, as well as some slick dance moves you just can't wait to try out.

ANNNNND guess what?

You get a chance to win you VERY OWN COPY of "Bringing Up Bobby"!

Leave me a comment telling me what your favorite family movie is and I'll choose a winner on Wednesday!

Winner will be chosen with Random.org.

You can also choose to "Like" "Bringing Up Bobby" on Facebook here.

“Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Freaking

2010-09-29T00:18:00.000-05:00

Well, if you didn't know my giveaway went kerflop.

No one commented.

Nary a soul.

I had to trade the Netflix cards for emergency therapy.

So, no winner.

Dingly dangly doodle.

Oh well. Netflix for me. Only I pay and can't use the cards. Yay.

I didn't post a Biggest Loser post last week because I was freaking out.

Can you imagine that? ME freaking out?

I know.

Shock of shocks.

I lost 1 pound. Yay.

Well, I'm still ahead of Shane, which was freaking me out.

And I have to stay ahead of Shane until Thursday, which is continuing to freak me out.

So I will be freaking out until Thursday, to when I will be REALLY freaking out either due to winning or losing. Whichever way it goes, I still have lost 18 lbs, and that's a pretty good deal.

So tomorrow I have to work my butt off. Literally. I'm hoping to lose 2 pounds to make it an even 20.

I like even numbers. No dangly strings.

But I don't obsess or anything. Over anything.

Like I didn't walk 7 miles Sunday while my allergies were in kill mode.

I haven't downed the Atlantic Ocean in the past few days.

And I certainly haven't lost sleep over worrying, "Will I lose any weight?".

That part doesn't really help matters any.

Or so I hear.

Since I didn't actually do it.

You know.

I also need to keep reminding myself that I'm allergic to limes. It's not a good thing to forget.

I made Texas Caviar and squeezed a lime over it. And I dived tongue-first into culinary Heaven... and 3 bowls of Texas Caviar, and had the KING of all Stomach-Aches for about an hour.

Remembering the lime, I took a Benadryl and it helped. Thank you, Lord! Because that was some fierce pain!

So, no lime for me!

Also, note to weather: I love you. I adore you. Now, I please implore you, can we get a freeze over here and kill these rassin' frassin' ragweeds?!! Thankyouverymuch.

And in other news, somehow I have posted 202 times. How did this happen? I don't know. I'm blaming the blog fairies.

And since I can, I demand you watch UHF. The movie. Not the channel.

Your children will obey, be smarter, and better looking.

Your bedroom life will incinerate.

You will become an instant millionaire.

And you might pee your pants.

Okay... so some of those won't happen. But you WILL get to see where Seinfeld's Kramer first worked his moves. And I'm not ruling out the pants peeing.

Imma Give You A Chance Ta Win.

2010-09-25T17:18:00.000-05:00

Picture from Google Search

Okay, since I love ya because you read my blah-bibbity blog and believe every word I say and will eventually do my bidding, and I feel like we be friends...

I'm gonna give 2 people a chance to win a free month of Netflix, expiring on 10-31.

All yous kids gots ta do is:

Comment on this post with what kind of posts you want to see more of.

Crafty mishaps

Dressing Blogger Babs

Cooking

Music

Boys

Dogs

Anything you want to see here on Musings of a Manic Mama.

Even if it hasn't been posted before.

And I shall chose the winner using Random.org.

Winner will be chosen Tuesday.

Be here, or be square.

Well, not really, but without some seriously awesome movies/TV viewing.

Lead Them Home

2010-09-25T05:28:00.000-05:00

Tears of the Saints from Alisha J on Vimeo.

Inspiration

2010-09-22T22:53:00.000-05:00

Picture from Google Search

So you know those days. THOSE days. The ones that eek on by and just won't END! For the love, why can't they end?!?!

Yeah, those days.

I've had several of those over the past few months. Like months worth of days.

For some reason they all culminated today into a nice song parody today. On a day which wasn't particularly annoying. Odd.

Let's see if the Mommy Bloggers can relate.

And ya know ya gotta sing it out loud.

The Most Annoying Things -- Sound of Music Parody

Rain on the car seat from forgotten downed windows
Scarcely clad ladies, looking like bimbos
Trash in the yard
Beater bars covered in strings
These are a few of the most annoying things

Scorched pans of white sauce
Sinks full of dishes
House that won't get clean, despite all my wishes
Spots on the rug right after they're steamed
These are a few of the most annoying things

Stains on white dresses
Fingers get smash-ed
Keepsakes get busted
Clothes that are clash-ed
Poop on the floors, and the walls, and the sink
These are a few of the most annoying things

When the dogs bark
At 3 AM
When the kids feel bad
I simply realize the annoying things
And then I just get real mad.

Kids waking up on the wrong side of the bed
Kids that won't use the brains in their heads
Toys all over the house in a wink
These are a few of the most annoying things

Planning a day out and it gets met with rain
Listening to Kidz Bop will make you insane
Laundry piled up to the ceiling with ease
These are a few of the most annoying things

Flat tires on dirt roads, miles from home
Then you remember the tire tools are gone
The jack's all messed up and you can't see a thing
These are a few of the most annoying things

When the kids fight
24/7
Oh, it makes me mad
I simply live through the annoying things
Maybe tomorrow won't be so bad!

Mix

2010-09-20T18:42:00.000-05:00

Saturday I did something I have been wanting to do forever.

Got my boobs done.

Well, no. But it did involve a large amount of dough and things rising in tight containers.

I made bread.

It's been aaaaages since I made bread. Before the great Weevil Siege of '09, where I had to toss out all of my wheat due to the entire world's population of weevils living in my island.

So, this bread isn't freshly ground, but it's still bread.

And it's Trainer Momma's whole wheat recipe I just added 1/2 c. ground flax seeds.

Which was too much. Should have made it 1/4 c.

But hey, at least the colon will be happy.

Happy colon makes for happy week.

Then, I took future embarrassing pictures of my posing-while-sleeping 4 year old.

Aww. He's going to kill me in about 12 years.

But that's okay. I owe him.

Believe me, I owe him.

Today, we left the house.

*faints*

I KNOW! Can you believe it?!

We went out and saw ...

*gasp*

OTHER PEOPLE!

And the world didn't stop, explode, or turn upside down!

I couldn't believe it. I think we'll have to do it again.

We drove to a park about 25 miles from here and met up with some pals...

One, Jennifer, one of my oldest friends. And I mean that in a better way that than it sounded, Jenn.

And another friend I actually haven't met face to face before, but we chat on Facebook and through blogs. Her name's Alicia, too.

We took the offspring to the park to play while we mommies chatted it up and had some

**gasp**

ADULT CONVERSATION.

(Not actually "adult" conversation, but hey, if I hadn't had to keep my eyes peeled, I'm sure we would have had that, too.)

I know! The shock of it all.

So seeing that I was talking, I didn't get many pictures taken. So here are the few photos.

Offspring on the skate ramp.

Mamas and small boys.

(Jennifer, don't kill me.)

Alicia, Jennifer, and me, Red, the boobless one

The 2 A's and 1 J.

Yes, I actually had stuffed 2 hams in my bra before I left the house, but the kids were hungry on the way.
Evil children.

In other news this week...

I beat Shane.

**slaps hands across mouth**

I. Beat. Shane.

**cackles**

Yes, I'm a bad winner.

But I was so shocked, I can't believe it! I mean, saying something's one thing, but actually DOING it... whew buddy!

And Shane has done awesomely. I never thought I would beat him.

But, I beat him this week.

Okay, okay, I BARELY beat him, as in barely dragged my shrinking backside ahead of his 10.41% with my 10.63% .

But I did it.

I have a really good reason for being this way.

Because I beat him.

And because I beat Shane this week.

Oh, and that I beat Shane this week.

And you know what this means?

I'm going to gain 10 pounds overnight.

Two more weeks of Biggest Loser, people.

TWO MORE WEEKS!

Can you believe it?
I need to lose 3 more pounds to make my total loss 20 lbs.

I wouldn't turn down 5.... or ....10.... or.... a tummy tuck..... or .... some bosom enhancement. I mean, that last picture says it all in the booby department.

But I'd really like to lose 3 more. It ends things evenly and I like that better than leaving some danglin's.

Oh, and I forgot to tell you...

I

Beat

Shane.

Okay... now I'm off to pray I don't gain.
I can feel the fat cells tingling from the karma.

Biggest Loser -- Whatever Week It Is

2010-09-16T12:14:00.000-05:00

I've kind of forgotten where we are week wise in the BL game.

My focus has gone to working my butt off, literally, and getting ahead of Shane.

I know, I know. There are better things to focus on, but when you're so close, you should try, right?

So, after weeks and weeks of plateauing and gaining one measly pound, this week's weigh in is:

2 pounds.

Which isn't fabulous, but after as long of a plateau I've had, I nearly screamed with joy this morning.

AND MASSIVE thanks to TrainerMomma for her encouragement and advice!!!

If you haven't been over to her place, seriously, you need to go. If you're just THINKING about losing weight or going for it and are already DOING it, the woman is excellent.

The thing I added to my routine this week: Walking with weights in my super sexy trashbag.

I mean, I look hawt. And after I was hot! As in soaking a wifebeater (my shirt of choice around the house in the summer) under the bag, beneath my workout shirt.

Ya wanna see?

Of course you do!

Me in my workout gear before working out.

Right after the workout. Notice the sweat leaking through my workout pants on the hip.

Oooh, nice. I look kind of puffy because I'm wearing a wifebeater, a trashbag, and a workout shirt all at once. And after walking 2.5 miles, everything started to bunch. Fab.

Well, it's less than a month before the game is over. Can I lose 8 more lbs? Can I lose 13 more? At this point I'd be super pleased with 8 more, leaving me at 135. I would not cry at all.

I'll tell you what, though. I am LOVING this walking. I love to have a little bit of quiet time and have a chance to arrange my thoughts. Works wonders for me. I will definitely be keeping that in my routine. For my sanity as well as my health.

So... 2 pounds lost this week. Whoo hoo!

Let's do it again next week. Or better! Yeah, buddy!

Chicken or Mox?

2010-09-12T11:41:00.001-05:00

When Life tosses you lemons do you run away screaming or do you set out to face it like a dragon, sword in hand?

Are ya chicken or do you have moxie?

Well, my friend Michelle over at Moxie Momma faces her dragons, sword in hand, cape billowing in the wind, and big ol' boots on her feet just rearing to kick some sass.

She has 2 boys. Adorable boys. Hilarious boys. Boyish boys.

Her oldest has Tourette's Syndrome.

I was never very aware of Tourette's Syndrome, other than the "Oh, they just yell out bad words" stereotype until I met Michelle and started Indiana Jonesing through her archives.

Michelle is also writing a book about her journey with Tourette's.

If you know someone who is on this hard road, or someone who has a special kid with other issues, check her out.

She has helped me change my views on TS and I realize now that this is something that needs to be brought into the public eye. There needs to be an awareness for these families, for these kids. It's not just bad words being tossed out there. It's someone's child being laughed at and typed against strictly for something they cannot control. It shouldn't be tolerated.

So go check her out.
I'd call her my sister from another mister... but then that makes our moms sound skanky. But you get it.

Also look at her Facebook page. There are some HILARIOUS videos on there of her youngest son, who cracks me up because he and Smee are totally cut from the same cloth.

Just So You Know... I Love You Guys.

2010-09-11T14:07:00.000-05:00

I do. And I just want to hug all of you for your support and prayers in our dark times and for the silliness we share as bloggers as well as blog-readers. I appreciate you so much, you'll never know. You're like family even know I've never seen your face. Just want you to know that.

Well, good news. JD got his first round of test results back yesterday and all of his tests were negative for Hep C.

PRAISE GOD!!!!

Now just to go through a couple more blood tests over the next 6 months. And if they come out clean, we're home free.

Thank you for all your prayers and thoughts. We appreciate them so much. It's nice to know you're not alone.

And it looks like our job situation may be changing in the near future. But I can't talk too much about it as of yet.

PRAISE GOD AGAIN!!!

Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. You don't know how much I appreciate it. And JD grunts his manly approval, too.

Can We Catch A Break, Lord? Please?

2010-09-10T13:13:00.000-05:00

Well, this is another conglomerate post.

Biggest Loser weigh in: No pounds lost.

Bah. Poop. Stink. And other more colorful words like "horseradish," "doody," and "flapdoodle." Thanks to Mr. Magorium.

I do have something to blame though. And it ain't laziness.

Because my thighs are hurting bad enough they're threatening to file assault charges. Ooh, and I have been pooping! Yahoo! Since you've been dying to know that update! Thank you, Kashi cereals! But I digress.

No, I blame STRESS.

Stress is an evil wench.

I mean, I don't know WHY I'm stressed...

Surely it couldn't be that my husband might have Hep C due to a needle stick at his work and was turned down treatment by 2 ERs because the whole corporation does NOT have a needle stick protocol.

No, no stress there.

But I'm not mad. No. I would say "mad" is definitely understating this emotion I'm feeling. I'm not sure there's a word for this kind of anger I'm having. Probably not invented yet. It's a good thing we don't have puppies. I'd kick 'em all. Then pick them up and sniff them because I love puppy smell. But puppies would be in danger from the angry, crazy woman living here.

I am just so exhausted from the things that come up one after another after another here lately. I think there's a peddler in our yard selling things off a Crap Wagon and it is SO past time to remove him from the premises.

I'm feeling:

*Mad (I think we've covered that one)
*Alone
*Betrayed

I know it's awful to say, but I really feel like God's just kind of stood back and let all this happen. And deep down, I know it's for a reason, but by golly, I feel like bawling Him out telling Him, "Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do."

Extremely reverent, I know. But hey, it's the truth.

I need to get some time alone for a bit. I need to cry. I need to move past mad. That will happen like Ron Howard is going to call me to star in his next film. Alone time, that is.

But we will find out some test results either today or Monday. And that's a start. Technically, we won't know anything until March (at his 6 month bloodtest) because Hep C can lie dormant for years. We were some what worried about HIV at the beginning, but since we've researched and talked to his doctor (who is an amazing man) the HIV virus can't survive a very long period of time in the air, unlike Hep C, which can remain alive on a surface for up to 7 or more days.

I am so ready to just sleep til all the bad passes. I don't know what to do. I have no control over anything and I hate it. I'm trying to be strong for JD. But it's hard. The kids know he got poked, but they don't really know anything about possible dire circumstances. No use worrying them as of yet.

And I could be overreacting over it all, too! I really, really, really hope I am. I am an excellent over-reactor. But life threatening stuff is scary. Especially when its happening to your love, your partner-in-crime, the person you breathe for! If it comes out to the worst case scenario, I will try to donate my liver for him. If we match. Which, with our luck, won't work. Because that's how things seem to go these days... months.. year.

Sorry to just kind of slosh a bunch of negativity on you guys. I know it's not a very TGIF post. I'm trying to walk around with a smile plastered on my face at home, but it's hard. And I can't sleep. I haven't been asleep before 3 AM for days now. I really don't want to resort to pills. They do a number on me. I literally have to take 1/4 of an Advil PM.

But I know God is there in charge. I just wish He'd pick us up out of this mess.

Soon.

Please.

We need to see some more Sonlight in the darkness we can't seem to escape.

That's My King... Is He Yours?

2010-09-07T22:25:00.000-05:00

Fantasmiglorious Cooking

2010-09-06T00:58:00.001-05:00

Or... The Infamous Birthday Cake Flop.

Okay, so I blogged the other day that it was my mom's birthday and I was to be the Cake Maker Extraordinaire. Well, it was certainly extraordinary.

The party's at 5 that evening.

So, while belting out "Day-O" at the top of my lungs -there's actually a 7 foot tall Jamaican man hiding in my 5'4" frame. Well, there is when I sing that song, anyway.- I pull out ye olde trusty hand mixer I've had since my wedding shower 10 years ago. Gather the rest of the goodies to make my mommy a Neiman Marcus cake.

Super easy, semi-fancy looking, and tasty good.

Usually.

I plop in my softened butter, toss the sugars in, and flick on my mixer.

Nice grinding sound occurs.

Crap.

It just up and died on me. 10 years! I can't believe it betrayed me after 10 years!! **Weeps**

**Uses Jedi Mind Power to telepathically tell Pioneer Woman that she should send me a KitchenAid mixer. It would soothe my broken heart.**

I am not to be forsaken, so I just hand beat the cake into submission while mentally sending a "bird" to the recently deceased mixer.

So, normally this cake "puffs" a lot and nearly overflows a 13X9 pan, so I decided to poke it in an 11X14 pan, just to be safe.

If you aren't familiar with this cake, you actually make the icing and bake it with the cake. It's a nice cream cheese icing that you top with pecan halves. It makes it look all fancy schmancy.

Once again I send the dead mixer the finger while I pull out my Bosch Universal Mixer to whip up some icing.

Head to the pantry for powdered sugar.

Heart stops.

No powdered sugar.

Okay, for those of you who are thinking "Geez, Alisha, just go to the store and get some!"

I had GONE to the store that very morning at 8 am to get cream cheese FOR THE CAKE, and now JD had taken the CAR TO WORK and the store is 20 miles from my house. And I did not realize I was out of powdered sugar!!

ARRRRGH!!! I feel like Charlie Brown, only the football is my sugar and Lucy is JD.

And in this moment, I realize that I'm super mad at Cake Boss, too.

Why, you ask? Because I can hear you asking.

Because I have recently hooked JD on that show and he was enlightened and inspired by Buddy's super amazing delicacies to head into MY kitchen and make a pound cake and fondant, thereby using MY powdered sugar **breathes** WITHOUT TELLING ME!!!

So I did what any self respecting woman would do.

I got smashed.

No. But it was a good idea. And really think... if I was doing this GREAT of a job cooking, just imagine how it would have turned out if I had had a heart to heart with Jack Daniels. (Which I don't have in my house, FYI. So don't be worrying that.)

I took my fanny to the computer and Googled "How to make your own powdered sugar." Because, people, Google is how I roll and if I don't ask it at least one stupid question a day, the world will stop turning. And now you know why! It'll be my fault!

I then zoomed back to my kitchen with my newly found knowledge of powdered sugar, whipped it up, and found that it still had granules in it from blending the granulated. I was a tad bit beyond caring at that moment.

I took said grainy glop, plopped it atop the cake, strategically placed pecans on top, clapped at how pretty it looked, then flung it in the oven for 35 minutes.

Timer dings, I go, feeling all better, problems solved, the world is once again at peace, to take the cake out to cool.

The cake has EATEN THE ICING. And it didn't rise at all.

My nice cake that looked semi-pretty a mere 35 minutes ago, now looks like 1/4" thick pudding with bread crumbs on top.

ARRRRGHHH again. I'm really feeling like shaving my head and drawing zigzags on my scalp.

So, by now it's 30 minutes til the party. I can't cook another cake, I don't have POWDERED SUGAR to make more icing, the mixer died... I think this awesomeness has come back to haunt me.

So, Happy Birthday, Mom. Your cake looks like crap. But I love ya!

So who's ready to come over and eat with me?

Biggest Loser -- Week 7

2010-09-03T11:53:00.000-05:00

This week I was about as inspired as a snail to run a 5K.

I mean, I've been watching what I eat, exercising (some), and I really haven't seen much difference in my clothes. So I'm feeling kinda gypped.

Up until Wednesday.

I don't know what happened over night, but seriously, I woke up and all of my usual pants were falling off of me! It was like I became the Incredible Shrinking Mom while I slept! Only now I'm the Incredible Shrinking Mom Who Shows Crack as Her Pants Fall off as She Walks.

I had to go get me some new pants. So I hit up the Secret Boutique and got me some kewwwwte capris and a couple pairs of jeans. Now the safety of the world has been taken care of.

Okay... for the numerical part of our program.

Weigh In: 1 pound lost.

Well, I lost the one I gained last week. I personally think **TMI Alert!!!** I would do better losing if I could poop. I poop like once a week. Maybe twice. That's been the only annoying part of this game. I think I'm going to start eating whole flaxseeds in my snack and salads.

Okay, pretend you didn't read that last part.

I hear I'm trailing the guy in 1st place.

So, Shane, I got my eye on you.

And I plan to smoke you in the losing race this week.

I want to lose at least 3 pounds next week. I wouldn't cry over 5 either.

Shane, it's on, dude.

(Shane is actually my friend Wendy's husband. You can check out her blog here.)

To End All the Confusion

2010-09-02T08:41:00.001-05:00

Just to clear up all the confusion that I MIGHT have dreamed up...

I am not Pioneer Woman.

Picture is from Seriouseats.com

Even though I exude the same class as she does,

look just like her

I am not her.

I do live in the country.

But I do not have as close of an affiliation with calf nuts.

I do like to eat them.

I shouldn't have said that because now I'm just writing this here blog for myself.

**Crickets**

I'll just explain (to myself since everyone has run away screaming) that we call them "Calf Fries" but if you go to some restaurants they're listed as "Rocky Mountain Oysters."

Yes, it's kind of gross, but dude, they are some tasty-good fried balls of ... well... balls.

Like Pioneer Woman, I also homeschool my offspring.

I do not, however, have the ginormous area in which she schools.

I also cook, but I'm not a food blogger, nor do I have enough confidence in my cooking that I'd post many pictures. I just suffice it to say I haven't killed anybody. Yet.

She also lives around a bunch of bovines.

I have some that come on my front porch every.stinking.day. to drink both troughs of my dog water.

Speaking of dogs... she also takes pictures of her dogs.

I do, too.

I think Beast is a bit more spoiled than Charlie. What about you?

I mean, Playstation? Beast? Really.

P-Dub also has a joint (not that kind) she calls "The Lodge."

This is strange because our house, when my Dad bought this place, he intended for it to be used as a hunting lodge (He leads guided hunts and leases land for hunters), so we started calling it "The Lodge."

I think PW also wears a size 8 or 10. I know this because she's always giving stuff away on her blog from her closet. (I totally can't do that because of fashionlessness. Forgive me, readers, but it's for your own safety.)

I wasn't going to say anything til Biggest Loser weigh in, but I finally got back into an 8.

*Bows* Thank you, thank you.

I am so excited I could cry.

And so is the rest of the world because they're tired of seeing me and feeling the urge to call a plumber.

So I'll tell you again about it tomorrow, but you have to act all surprised.

Another odd similarity is that her kids watch UFC. And we all know mine (and me, too) are all about it. (Even though I shamelessly haven't watched any new bouts in a godforsaken amount of time. I mainly get the news blurbs off the online news.) When I am invited to The Lodge, you know, since it's going to happen because I'm so freakin' awesome and all that, but I don't like to brag... I toss the gauntlet. I will be challenging someone... maybe even Charlie... to a bout. Even if I have to take JD.

I actually dreamt we went up to The Lodge to visit the PW, MM, and offspring. My kids were having a blast with her kids. Boys got along like "peas and carrots." And for some reason, Marlboro Man had left hay bales all over the road.

Look, Cowboy, that is like, totally, unprofessional. Even in dreams. And for some reason they were square bales, which is like, totally, sissy. So I guess I dream sissy.

Okay.

Hopefully, we have established that I am not Pioneer Woman.

Even though our class is scarily congruent

We both have red hair.

We both homeschool.

We both live in a place called "The Lodge."

But I am not she.

So please put your paparazzo away.

Too sexy, Antonio, too sexy.

Summer = Amnesia

2010-08-30T18:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, y'all. I have a bad case of the Summer Stupids.

How HOW could I forget that BOYS.HATE.SCHOOL?

HOW?

And we're talking hate/loathe/despise/resent/outrageously DISAPPOVE of school.

Mom says "It's time for school."

Boys respond with a flashburn of Marlon Brando drama, "WHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY DO WE HAVE TO DO SCHOOL?"

Summer, I am really ticked at you right now for making me forget this very important factoid.

Summer, when you have kids that take 4 hours to do 3 pages of review math, do not even call me. You are no help whatsoever.

Summer, you are on your own.

I am now off to enjoy a 35 calorie fudge bar.

I deserve it.

I'm thinking after 3 boys schooling, I'm going to be rocking this look.

Plethora

2010-08-29T13:53:00.001-05:00

Did everyone survive Back To School week?

We did.**Collapses in a heap of exhaustion**

Between one highly-distractable child's forays into La La Land, one adamantly determined to pretend he didn't know ANYTHING whatsoever, to the busy child who tossed tantrums when he finished all his work and wanted more... we made it. Mama needs a vacation.

And speaking of that Mama, all she wants to do is...

Dance?

Um... no, but that would be good.

All this mama wants to do is EAT!!!

And speaking of that, I didn't get a chance to post a Biggest Loser post Thursday.

Which wasn't all that great of news, anyway because I GAINED A POUND!!!

GAH!

** watches a dollar fly out of her wallet**

Dang it.

But there's always this week, right?

I hope.

If I can stop EATING!

Forget sugarplum fairies dancing in my head, it's the carb fairies. They're flying around begging me, taunting me, calling me.

"Hey! Don't we look so goooooood! Come on! You know you want a bite! Just take it. It's not going to matter."

GO AWAY!

I need to lose 16 more pounds.

And I'm sleeping really crappy, too.

Can't we hold off all the birthdays and celebrations until after October 15th?

Sorry, Mom, Mo, and Goob, you can't have a birthday until Mama's done losing this fat.

That would work but for the fact that my Mom's birthday is today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM!!!) and I have to bake the cake. Which I should be doing now. For the party tonight. Which means I'll have to hold myself at gunpoint to not lick the icing bowl.

I'm kind of disappointed that I haven't dropped from a 10 to an 8 yet. And the most stubborn fat seems to lie right in the middle of things. **Points at belly**

But 14 pounds isn't all that bad for 6 weeks. So, I'll take what I can get and try harder this week.

Those are the key words: Try harder.

Meaning: Get out of bed, toss on the workout clothes, and move that caboose to either Jillian or yoga.

Just... gotta... do... it.

First Day of School - 2010

2010-08-23T18:55:00.000-05:00

You know what they say about when people make plans, God laughs? I kind of have to agree.

I have had today planned for the first day of school for like 2 weeks now.

So, last night JD comes in from work at 11pm and asks "So, do you want the bad news, or the bad news?"

Oh yay. I have a choice? Come on... shake the hat a little harder, surely you can find some good news in there.

Okay... Alex, give me Bad News for $200.

What is this Bad News that we speak of?

Oh... only that the prison wants JD to go back to work at 3:45 am to go with a crew to pick up more offenders from a unit down in Abilene... and its after 11pm and if either of us go to sleep we won't hear the alarm.

The toddler in me sat down and had a tantrum ASAP.

So, I stayed up ALL night to keep him up -- the man sleeps like he's dead and you have to physically shove him and nearly beat him to get him awake and if he dozes off for an hour, chances of him waking up able to git up and go are non-existent.

I wanted to curl up with a book, but then I get too comfy and fall asleep with my face in the book. So that was out.

I wound up prowling around on Pioneer Woman's blog and looked up some blogs she loves and wound up finding Loralee's Looney Tunes. If you haven't seen this blog, you MUST look it up. If you like blogs that keep it real, GO THERE. Now, the language is sometimes *ahem*, but sometimes with the crap life doles you, there are no other words. Loralee and her life kept me awake last night. Thanks, woman. I appreciate it mucho.

We wound up starting school after 1 this afternoon. But hey, we got finished. **wipes 5 hankies of sweat from brow** 3 grade levels completed with a temper tantrum from the new Kindergartener because he couldn't believe he was FINISHED FOR THE DAY!!! OMG, how dare you make me stop, mother.

So, First Day of School 2010 was a success, even though the teacher was practically brain dead and she may or may not have helped the 2nd grader count to 100 by counting farts.

Day One : Check.

Of Mud and Men

2010-08-23T01:03:00.000-05:00

So the guys **ahem** JD is into cob houses. You know, houses made from mud and straw?
He's nearly LIVED on youtube watching videos of building earth houses. Which is good, since he's the type of guy who can watch something, figure it out, and then decide what the person is doing wrong on the video.

Have we freaked out and gone from Hillbilly to Hippie?

Nah, not yet. Although that would truly be something to see...

***Dream bubbles pop up***

Hillbilly Me: Hun, wud yew pass me that there turkey laig? I wont to get me a good chaw of it a'fore them kids get een hur. An' then jest toss tha bone to tha dawgs.

Hippie Me: Hun, would you mind passing me the organic, white meat only, to-furkey? I'd like to at least taste it before the boys eat every thing that isn't nailed down. Make sure to save our scraps for compost and what we can't use for that, toss into our multi-reusable and really stylish and overly expensive trash bags.

Oh... Sorry.

Okay, I'll admit, I would compost IF I had a garden. I guess we kind of do... but it's more of a "feed the wild critters the veggie scraps" instead of composting.

What were we talking about? Oh yes, cob houses.

So, JD gets this idea to make a mini cob house, one of the dome kind, to test out whether or not our dirt would be ideal for it (i.e. not too sandy to where it would fall apart).

So the All Male Crew loaded up in the blue van and drove down the driveway (AKA the half-mile dirt road to our house) to dig some mud piled by the pond and pluck some dead grass from along the road.

Then, they meander back up to the house, snatch my mop bucket **gives them all the Mom Look**, fill it up with water from the hose to wet the dirt. And the fun part... mixing the dirt, grass and water.

Now you gotta make mud balls.

Is it just me or do mud balls look like horse poo?

Once you get all your horse poo... er, I mean, mud balls made, you slap 'em together until they are seamless. The photographer did not get shots of this part. I think I'll sue.

And if you're a "wild and ca-razy" primitive, you use Play-Doh toys to decorate your cob dome.

We also did a temperature experiment and stuck the thermometer inside the cob dome, blocked the door with a towel, and there was a good 20 degree difference in indoor and outdoor temps, without AC! Pretty cool, hah, literally! And one of the major reasons we are interested in building a house out of cob.

Cob house = less AC bill = :-D me and wallet

Mud also makes for really non-photogenic moments.

And it makes you dance.

Mud also makes you strong.

So, have you let your kids play in the mud today?

Your clothes washer will hate you.

OxyClean will love you.

And your vacuum cleaner will roll it's eyes.

Mud, it's what's for fun.

Photo Phriday and Other Stuph

2010-08-20T14:12:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted anything about the dogs lately. I know you're just DYING to know how they are. But I took some cute pictures of them the other day. The puppies have grown SO much since I posted about them last and they've had their neutering surgeries, so PETA should love me.

Beast has been having allergies and looking like a he doesn't have a home because he's so darn skinny. I was concerned, so the vet told me to up their protein and keep giving them puppy chow (which they aren't too crazy about), but I have been doing it and giving him 2 Benadryl caplets to keep the redness and itching down. It's bad to be a doggie when you're allergic to grass. But he is such a sweetheart. I wuv heem.

The skin and bones Beaster.

He is looking better and BOY does he need a bath! Phew!

Here's Girl. She's so sweet, too. She got snake bit on her face yesterday morning and is looking kind of like a stroke patient with her lopsided face. But this is a smiley picture.

And who could forget Ocho... their mama. Do you think she still obsesses over balls and will come drop a drooly ball in your lap EVERY TIME you step out side? Or has she outgrown that?

Um... no. Still ball all the time, everytime you step outside.

But that's why we love her.

And the other stuph...

It looks like JD has a new job!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

So he put in his notice at the ~~hellhole~~ prison yesterday.

We're still in shock at how fast everything happened. (Application put in last Thursday, before the Friday the 13th computer virus took over for a week, the corporate office called Monday morning, the local office called 2 minutes later, and then he met with them Tuesday, took the drug test Wednesday and now we're just waiting.) Fast, huh?

So, we're excited and scared. But mainly excited.

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement and prayers for my sanity, which was leaning towards flying out the window here for quite sometime. I don't like to freak out and lose it on my blog, so I really didn't talk much about it. But thank you very much for your prayers, thoughts, encouragement, emails, and dirty jokes. Okay, so you didn't send me dirty jokes, but hey, it would have been appreciated, too. I don't say it enough, but I lurve you guys. It's nice to know people have your back, even if they haven't seen your face.

So TGIF, pals.

School starts back here all around us Monday, and even in the Maniac house. The boys are about to drive me BONKERS they're so excited. Especially Smee. He's absolutely bursting to start Kindergarten.

So, I'll post a First Day Of School post Monday.

Hope your weekend is wacky, wild, and wonderful.

Peace out, Peeps.

Biggest Loser -- Week 5

2010-08-19T14:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, let me just say that I weighed 3 times, couldn't believe my eyes, and finally, called JD in the bathroom to make sure I wasn't insane.

Weigh in for this week: 5 pounds.

**Thud**

Yes, I just fainted.

And I am mentally typing this blog by the computer chip implanted in my brain from my alien abduction.

I cannot believe I lost 5 pounds last week. Can. Not. Believe. It.

Do you realize that I haven't actually been in the realm of the 130s in about 9 years? Since Mo was born.

I just don't know what to think about it. I'm so excited!

I want to thank Jennifer for setting it up because without her and knowing people are behind me, I sure wouldn't have been able to do it.

One bad thing though... the boobs have left the building. But hey, I have socks. I'll stuff with socks.

Biggest Loser -- Week 4

2010-08-12T15:02:00.000-05:00

This week went a lot better than last week.

The total weight loss this week: 3 pounds.

This makes a total of 10 pounds lost in 4 weeks.

AND is half of my goal. WHOO HOO!!!

We're getting there!!!

Let's see if we can lose 20 pounds by October 15th!!

"What's In the Bible?" DVD Review

2010-08-07T09:30:00.000-05:00

Several weeks ago, I was contacted by Tyndale House Publishers, asking if I would be interested in reviewing their new DVD series"What's in the Bible?". I hadn't heard that Phil Vischer, AKA Veggietales creator, had thought up a new idea of how to teach kiddos about the Truth, so I was thrilled!

The purpose of this series is to take kids deeper into the Word than just your stereotypical Sunday School class would. As Phil says in his message on WITB 1, as well as on their site, "The Bible is the most widely owned, least widely read in history." That's pretty pathetic!

I wasn't sure how I would like this series honestly, because with Veggietales -- now we love VT, don't get me wrong -- we have had some confusion (as in the kids really thought Goliath was a pickle and that took a massive amount of explaining to do). So I really didn't know what to expect. And I've been really disappointed with the Bible teaching tools for children as of late. (Picky, I know.)

My reaction?

I. Was. Thrilled.

Not only was I thrilled, but this series gave my sons something that cracked them up with it's songs, jokes, and silly characters, while giving them some serious, hardcore teaching! They talk about things that I haven't heard in sermons! Kids need to hear this! Plant the seeds young and they'll grow deep! This is a great fertilizer for the seeds.

Tyndale House had also asked if I would be planning to use these DVDs as a part of our homeschool curriculum. I was really skeptical at first, blew it off and thought, "Nah! I've already got a Bible curricula." But after watching it 3 or 4 times --we're up to about 10 or more now -- I'm seriously considering using it instead of my previous curriculum. I'm still working on supplemental aids to possibly use with it.

That was the long of it. The short of it?

I think the "What's In the Bible?" DVD series is probably the best on the market. I know it's the best I have seen personally. I was very impressed.

My kids loved it! *I* loved it! My kids are 9, 7, and 4 and all of them were enraptured with it. It was easy to relate to and had new, endearing characters, not to mention silly songs and outtakes. Plus, it helps make the Bible REAL and not some storybook.

Way to go, Phil Vischer and the Jellyfish crew! This one is a winner and I will most DEFINITELY be buying the whole set.

Thank you, Tyndale House, for sending me a complementary copy of "What's in the Bible" #'s 1, 2, & 3. This review is 100% my own opinion.

Biggest Loser -- Week 3

2010-08-05T12:25:00.000-05:00

I didn't post my progress last week since we were vacationing. So here's an update. Week 2 brought on a 3 lb loss! YAY! That brings the total to 7 lbs lost so far. I'm glad!13 more to go before October! That doesn't seem such a massive amount as I was afraid it would. We're getting there!!

Well, with the trip and laziness, I didn't get a picture taken for this week. I mainly blame laziness. And I didn't lose ANYTHING this week. Poop. Evil hamburger I ate on Friday... and the 4 onion rings. **Sighs**

BUT at least I didn't gain. Get to keep my dollar this week. Every time we gain, we have to toss a dollar in the pot. So the dollar is mine this week.

So here I go... tail tucked between my legs... back to Jillian and her evilness.

The Trip-- Part 3 and Other Weekend Happenings

2010-08-04T16:03:00.000-05:00

Now for Part 3 and if you asked the the guys, the BEST part of the whole trip. Yeah, seeing where giant lizards trekked wasn't interesting at all. Why? Because it wasn't a pool.

1...2...3... okay, where's the 4th male?

Here he is! He's scared. He's never been in a big pool before. I nearly had to pry him out of that chair.

About 40 minutes later, he looked like this.

He just had to decide it was fun and not scary.

Daddy tossing Goob halfway across the pool helped with that.

We had the pool all to ourselves for 2 hours. It was great.

Mo, who isn't a strong swimmer, started bailing off the side in his life jacket hollaring. That was hilarious.

JD and I had swim races back and forth across the pool. I was surprised I could keep up with him stroke for stroke. I think he was too! Hahaha!

And there is no way in You-Know-Where I am posting a picture of me in my bathing suit.

One being, there aren't any!

The second being, it ain't pretty. Makes you want to iron.

Evidently, 2 hours of swimming makes you into super heroes and dancers.

Apprehension followed someone to the elevator.

And 2 hours of swimming makes you tired.

The guys coloring in the hotel room while Mom and Dad veg out.

Getting ready to load the car Friday morning. Crazies on a cart, anyone?

About 8 minutes after this, we get to the van, load 'er up, and the car won't start. But the alarm system is FREAKING out! So we spent an hour messing with it, reseting the system, trying to get the engine to turn over, praying til smoke comes out our ears, plugging our ears when the alarm blares every.time.you.touch.the.car.

I wound up calling my dad on the cellphone and talking to him about it. And miracle of miracles... it starts, and we scoot off to find a parts store to get a new battery. Problem solved. No heavy drinking involved... only mentally.

So, off to Mineral Wells to the Fossil Park.

"YEE HAW!! BRAZOS!!"

We had to yell as we crossed the Brazos River. Family tradition on JD's side.

Fossil Park means Port-A-Potty, which Mo and I need reeeeeeally badly right now. He shot out of the car and was walk/running like a duck. The picture doesn't do it justice, but it was funny.

Also, a vacation tip... Fiber bars for breakfast + refried beans from a crummy Mexican restaurant do not make for a kind roadtrip experience. This is my own personal experience. Thank God for automatic windows and a family that's stuck with me.

Looking for fossils.

We each had a ziploc bag to stick our goodies in.

Here's what you can find here. And remember, it's free and you can keep your finds!!

JD found some parts of shark teeth and I found a whole trilobite (about small marble sized) and part of another one. I was squealing about finding that thing, too.

I think I need to come clean about something now.

*I* am a dork.

So, you have been warned for future reference.

We didn't go to the Botanical Garden because of the hubbub with the van earlier and everyone was bushed, hot, and starving.

Back to the car, and an hour later, we were about 30 miles from home and we stopped to eat some wicked burgers.

I think Smee approved.

Saturday, some family friends were up at my parents and I took the kids up there to visit and play with their kids. Everyone had a blast.

Sunday, we gained a new member in the family.

Meet Jonah. He's a 3 month old Quaker Parrot.

Mo is an avid bird-lover. We went to the pet store to get a parakeet, but wound up absolutely falling for this little guy. He's got quite the personality!

I think Mo likes his new pal.

And that was the extent of our weekend. Dinos, hiking, museums, swimming, vegging, car troubles, flatulence in an enclosed vehicle, fossil finding, driving, eating, friends, and a respite from our ordinary lives.

It's taken me most of this week to recover!!

And Biggest Loser weigh in tomorrow. I may be cursing that dang hamburger on Friday.

The Trip -- Part 2

2010-08-03T20:34:00.000-05:00

Now for the Creation Evidence Museum. We went there after the Dino Park. It's a neat museum full of things you wouldn't ever find anywhere else. Full of evidence of the Flood.

Here are the guys out front. If you squint really hard you can see a large tube-like thing inside. It's a biosphere to re-create how the atmospheric environment was like Pre-Flood when the Firmament was still in place.

Nautilus fossils on the sidewalk outside the museum entrance.

Petrified wood outside the entrance.

Fossilized dinosaur eggs.

Various trilobites.

Mo and a giant crystallized geode.

Human footprint. Wish I had put something near it for a gauge. It's huge.

Giant Bison skull found here in Texas. Seems like everything was and is bigger in Texas.

I'm not sure what kind of skull this is. I wasn't told. I personally think it looks like a plesiosaur head, but that's just me.

Saber-toothed Tiger skull. Dang! Look at those teeth! Kind of glad those are extinct!

This is an Ica stone. These were originally found in Ica, Peru, near the home of the Nazca Lines. 15,000 of them found, some with humans and dinosaurs living together. Some people are getting killed by the dinosaurs and some dinosaurs are shown being slain by people larger than the others wearing headdresses. I think it's the Nephilim. There have been people say they're a hoax, saying people and dinosaurs didn't live together, trying to breathe back life into evolution, but I don't believe that. And it's hard to deny they didn't live at the same time with the proof in historical artifacts found all over the world.

Various fossils. Look at that Raptor claw! Wow!

This is a really awesome picture of human and dinosaur tracks found together in the Paluxy River bed.

Various skulls.

Fossilized human hand print, as well as a hammer. This hammer is forged in a way that scientists today can't understand how they got the minerals to merge. Dumb early man? I think not.

Fossilized dino skin and a fossilized human finger found in Glen Rose. You can see the nail still attached. It looks like it was severed and the bone is still inside.

The biosphere.

Fish fossils. That is some aquatic creature they found fossilized somewhere. There are a bunch of little fish in that large piece of stone on the left.

The wall just inside the museum's entrance.

The guys waiting for flash-happy Mom to return. Smee is doing his "artifact transform."

This is some fossilized tree. It's crazy looking!!

Well, tomorrow brings Part 3, The Highlight of the Trip... AKA The Pool and the Rest of the Stuff We Did.

The Trip -- Part 1

2010-08-02T19:58:00.000-05:00

Wow, I have so much to blog about, I don't even know where to start!! We need to write this day down and document it to history! Alisha has lots to blog about! Amazing.

Well, I'll start chronologically. With the trip.

JD and I are amazing planners. We start out planning things months in advance, write down all the ideas, smile and nod or debate the disagreeing points. Yeeeeah. And then we woke up.

It was more like:

Phone call from JD, Tuesday at 5 pm: "Hey, I have 5 days off since I have some PTO (paid-time off). Let's go somewhere! Help me think of what we can do because I don't want to sit around the house for 5 days."

Okay. My brain rushes around. We thought about Carlsbad Caverns, but the van has been dealing us flats about everytime we turn around, so seeing that hundreds of miles from home, temperature of Hades' front porch, and 3 young kids... Um, let's not. And I checked hotels close to the cave... all booked up. Stupid other vacationers. Don't they know that cave's all for me? Guess they didn't get the memo.

So, I start thinking of small vacation spots near us.

The waterpark in the Big City? Too pricey for just a few hours of wet fun.

The little zoo in a smaller town to where we don't have to fight traffic in DFW? **Squinty face with turned up nose** A little mediocre for what I was wanting to do.

What about South Texas? Oil spill. DUH! And astronomical hotel prices.

Okay... then brilliance hits me! Nearly as hard as I hit my head last night on the medicine cabinet door -- which I may or may not have completely broken leaving me dizzy, pale, and possibly concussed. But it's all good! I just went to sleep and I did wake up this morning, so I'm guessing I'm okay. (But that's a WHOLE 'nother story!).

We've been talking about going down to Glen Rose, TX to see the dinosaur tracks in the Dinosaur Valley State Park for YEARS. Yeeeeears. But we never have. Something has always come up or maybe we weren't desperate enough for a getaway. Something like that.

So I start researching. Hotel prices? Affordable. Distance? Not bad. Things to do? Enough for a couple of days!

JD and I sat up planning until 4 am Wednesday morning. We were as excited as Rosie O Donnell at an All You Can Eat Buffet! As excited as supermodels at a colonic spa!

Bingo bango! Glen Rose it is!! To the dinosaur park to see actual tracks in the Paluxy River bed,

a stop at the Creation Evidence Museum owned by Dr. Carl Baugh to cleanse the mind of all the evolutionary mumbo jumbo we saw at the Park's visitor center,

a night's stay at the La Quinta with indoor pool and hot tub,

then, head back to Mineral Wells to the Fossil Park where you can find scads and scads of fossils in a mini wasteland and keep them FOR FREE,

then to the Clark Botanical Garden on the other side of Mineral Wells,

then, back to the casa.

All went well, except for the van not starting Friday morning -- as SOON as we checked out!!-- and the alarm system freaking off and on for an hour. Faulty battery was to blame and quickly rectified with a nice punch in the wallet.

Now for pictures. These will only be from the park because I took a gazillion of the museum, but you'll see those tomorrow. Oooh, the suspense.

I asked the guys if they were excited and had just passed out new dino coloring books.

At Dinosaur Valley State Park with the lifesize T-Rex. Smee wasn't too sure that it wasn't going to get him.

Me and the guys by the Apatosaurus. Kinda glad they aren't around anymore. Imagine the damage that would do if you were in the way, eek.

C'mon, Goob, be happy!

So, they weren't exactly thrilled. But I'll ignore that part.

One of the hiking trails to a track view site.

Tracks!

Smee.. is.. thrilled.

JD was dying to fish here. It was so deep it was blue green. The tracks are in the limestone ledge behind the rock. You can see one behind the rock Smee's sitting on. Some of the limestone has been broken away leaving a giant deep hole.

There's where the ledge would connect if it weren't broken off. I'm sure there are more tracks over there, but you couldn't get over there to see since the river was running.

They fake happy really well. I've trained them so good.

One of the hiking trails. It was so humid we were soaking through our shirts in about 10 minutes. No mosquitoes though, thank God.

Apatosaurus tracks. They look like pot holes. I think they visit dirt roads around here regularly.

The rock crossing to the best tracks. It's on the left (The stretch of rocks), but there were a bunch of people and I didn't want to freak them out by taking their picture.

Look at those claw prints! Too cool!

Did I mention that I was the only one very impressed?

Part 2 coming up tomorrow. The Creation Evidence Museum or AKA Alisha's Hogwild With A Camera.

And NOW We're Back!

2010-07-31T11:03:00.000-05:00

And you didn't even know we were gone!

Well, that's because between the hours of 1 a.m. and 4 a.m., (the time when rational thought comes to roost. I never know because I'm usually sleeping.), on Wednesday morning we were planning our first vacation.

We left early Thursday, spent that night, and came home Friday evening.

It was a blast. The kids have never stayed in a hotel before and they had the swimming pool to themselves.

I have many pictures, but I haven't uploaded them yet.

It's amazing how you don't have to go very far for some R & R. It was wonderful and MUCH needed.

I'll tell you more about it SOON.

Book Review -- The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven

2010-07-27T22:33:00.000-05:00

The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven is the true story of how God worked through a horrific accident to show His glory.

In 2004, Kevin Malarkey and his six year old son, Alex, were in a terrible car accident while coming home from church. Kevin was ejected from the car, without major damage, but Alex was stuck inside with his brain stem separated from his spine and other horrific internal injuries. He was in a coma for 2 months, not believed to survive, but when he returned to consciousness, boy, did he have a story to tell!

This story is through several points of view – Kevin, Beth, Alex, nurses, paramedics, and many friends who were prayer warriors, all divvied up in different sections to help with confusion. You hear mainly through Kevin about his experience with guilt for being the driver in the wreck that almost killed his son. Alex comes in and tells us of the things he saw while he visited Heaven and the things he learned there to show here on earth. This is an amazing story of survival, the power of prayer uniting a nation, and how the Lord works miracles today even though there are skeptics on every corner.

This book was one of those that just tears at your emotions. I had wave over wave of tears and chills and I read it all in one day, so that's saying something. From page one, I was riveted. To read about the sights of Heaven from a little boy who sounds so aged and knowledgeable was amazing. Alex was also all over the national news as the first child to have the “Christopher Reeve surgery” to allow him to breathe without a ventilator.

To check out their story further, PrayForAlex.com is their website.

This book will lift your spirit, remind you that God is in control of any situation, and not to forget to hug your family every day because you never know what could happen.

I give it 4 bookmarks out of 5.

Thank you, Tyndale House, for sending me a complimentary copy of The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven. This review holds my personal opinions.

It Really Peeves Me

2010-07-27T13:45:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm guessing you can tell this is a rant. And I guess it's technically my first blogged rant. I usually toss out a rant or two a week in the house. Gotta keep that soapbox tuned up, you know.

Lately I've been chewing on things that just tick me off. It's amazing how much I can do fueled by annoyance.
But the main thing that really gets my goat these days are people who blow off other people and choose to help only those who they want to help. Picking and choosing who to show compassion to based on the outer cover of the book.

I mean, really! If Jesus had only sorted out who He wanted to help and give His life for, we would be up a creek. And if you really look at who He helped, they really weren't that savory of folks, either.

Would you think the Son of God would hang out with prostitutes, zealots, possessed people, and pretty much everyone that the "fine, upstanding folks" would scream and run away from like Godzilla was in town? NO! This is the perfect, divine Christ, who left the majesty of Heaven, came down to earth, died for our sins, and He came to cleanse the world of it's sin by actually HANGING with the sinners!

Imagine the outreach the church would have these days if they wouldn't judge! The church would grow instead of wane.

I guess all in all, I'm really hacked off at the Sunday Face Brigade. Those who show up, warm some pews, spout pretty words, then, head off like they've been cleansed for the week with their noses in the air, ignoring the chances they could about trip over to witness or invite someone to church or in their homes.

Sorry about that. It's just something that's really been eating at me for sometime now.

What are your feelings on it?

The Biggest Loser - Week 1

2010-07-23T10:32:00.000-05:00

Week One of The Biggest Loser was yesterday, so between taking the puppies to get "spay-ded" or "spreaded,"(which makes me think of going to the OB, for some reason), according to the boys, I woke up and weighed. And...

found out I lost 4 pounds last week!!!

Whoo hoo! I was shocked! I fouled up once and ate some macaroni and cheese because I was out of everything else. But I ate only a little bit.

And I would like to applaud my friends who are in it with me for their weight loss. Jennifer lost 4 lbs, too, and her hubby, Joey, lost 3. And I'm not sure about everyone else, but I'm rooting for them, too.

Mainly what I did was cut sugar WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY back... as in, nearly completely out. And I only ate a couple of bread products. Those two are my enemies. And I love them so. **cries** But I want to look awesome for JD and I would love to not have my thighs rub together.

I had my first cup of joe with sugar in it yesterday to celebrate. I've been using Agave Nectar, which is okay, but I'll have to re-train myself to like it. It sure makes me not drink as much coffee, that is for sure.Which is probably a good thing. It's never good to smell coffee when you pee. That had gotten to be a regular thing.

And I measured my inches. Ugh. It was awful. You wanna know?

38-38-42.

How did THAT happen?!

Oh yeah, I had an 11 pound kid, I love sweets and bread, and I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, upset, overjoyed, breathing... You know, I really need to write that down to remember.

Good and bad news... the amazing disappearing boobs have shown up, so that's how we know this is real.

Oh, Boobs, I barely knew thee and now thou art leaving! And I just bought new, expensive (for me) bras to hold and caress you into submission! It took me 25 years to get you and this is how you repay me? By being the first to burn off? Boobs, I don't think we can be friends anymore. Don't talk to me anymore, you evil, teasing mammaries. I will go to your enemy, Silicone, and we will have waaaay more fun that you and I did. I will show you, Boobs.

I have found the most awesome, refreshing breakfast ever, though. I don't even know what to call it, but it is wonderful. Maybe Fruity Yogurt Parfait.

I take 1/2 C. Lowfat Vanilla Yogurt
1/2 C. Grapenuts
1/4 C. fresh blueberries
3 fresh strawberries (sliced)
1/2 a banana (sliced)

Put the yogurt in a bowl, sprinkle the Grapenuts on top, and add your fruit. And eat.

It's really good! My mind thinks of it as ice cream. I have really enjoyed eating that for breakfast yesterday and today. I'm going to eat a Breakfast Banana Split tomorrow.

Another thing I, and the whole family, have discovered... a little bit of lemon in your ice water makes a major difference.

4 pounds down, 16 to go. I'm going for losing 20 lbs during this 3 month game (I call it a game to tell myself it's fun), I'm going to try to lose 10 more later. I haven't been down in the 130s since Mo was a baby.

Lately

2010-07-21T17:08:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been running around flip-flopping from being really, really down (Thank you, completely hope-wrenching job situation)

to really, really excited, (Thank you, possible really good job!)

to really, really down, (Thank you, hope sucking job situation. Again.)

to really, really busy. (Thank you, Jillian Michaels and your evil workout minions.)

And now I'm really, really tired.

Please pray for us this week. Another job situation has cropped up -- just today actually -- and it would be awesome. Extremely awesome.

Monday night around 1 a.m., our central air unit decided to take a vacation from it's normal 70 degrees and park it at 80 degrees. So, of course, sleep was completely crap and we had a stealth mosquito who decided to chew up my thighs, seeing as they were quite the buffet not being covered up. And I may or may not have really BIG, awful mosquito bites under my butt cheeks. But I'll never tell. **scratches**

So, Mr. AC Fix It didn't answer his phone all day yesterday until 8 p.m. and we sat under fans. It got up to 105 outside and 85 inside. Could have been worse, could have been better. So when Mr. AC Fix It DID finally call, he says he will come this morning. I haven't seen him yet and it's nearly 5.

BUT!!! **Angelic Chorus**

JD, the amazing knight in shining armor that he is, stepped in from working a 12 hour day with 200 screaming offenders and took the condensation pump apart at 11p.m. and we cleaned that dude out and it was O.M.G. bad. And now, we have air! Voila! Have I mentioned I love my husband? Who knows a skywriter? Because the man deserves it.

Tomorrow's the big first weigh-in day for our Biggest Loser Game. I did decent this week, even though we had weirdo food moments with the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. I should have worked out more, but I plan on doing that next week. I got so sore last Thursday, I held off so I didn't shuffle down the aisle. I did a 40 minute workout Monday, but didn't work out yesterday because it was hot in the house. I'm a wiener. What can I say?

I got my Lisa Leonard necklace last week! I LURVE it. I shall post pictures of it soon. Thanks again, Traci Michelle for the giveaway! And thanks to Lisa Leonard Designs! If you haven't been over there, you need to. Her stuff is amazing.

Tomorrow I take the puppies to the vet to turn from "he" and "she", to "its." They'll go early in the morning and come home that late afternoon. So, that's one less worry.

To close this post, I leave you with a video I found on this blog. If you're offended, I'm sorry, but it made me laugh.
It's probably not suitable for kids, but you can be the judge.
And after you watch it, remember don't down a pregnant chick. Some gals got skillz. I wasn't one of those with the skillz. But this gal is.